Saturday, February 18, 2012
Yesterday Noisey ran this article about how JLIN7 loves christ and hates good music. Then, last night, our winning streak ends and Jeremy dribbles the ball off his foot mad times. For real, he looked like Antoine Walker throwing the ball out of bounds just for the fuck of it. I think this Christian music is to blame. That shit is not Lecrae! (credit: @itsthereal).
So, without any further ado, I present the mixtape THUG MOTIVATION JLIN7: No More Turnovers. After every Knick loss, tune in here for a playlist to motivate this fool, he needs it. All the gods are on this joint. Killa, C-Murda, UGK, Trick, even bitch ass nelly is on here with that tip drill motivation. We got the brother some crack music, some ass music, some spot rushin music, all that thug motivation, LETS GO! TM JLIN7 SNOW GO! #MSGdreams (I SEE U MERO)
For that thug motivation, click here
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Now that our BOY is the most Linteresting man alive, I figured it was time to find him a shawty. My girl Elena said "I decided I'm gonna get born again so I can boo him up and miss of them tiger moms." Plus, I heard Kim Kardashian was trying to holla at the kid.
Yo, if you care about the Knicks, Taiwan, or General Tso's Chicken, you will KEEP KIM AWAY FROM LIN. Good luck finding any combo no5 if we all rioting cause Kim trying to put her stanky leg on Jeremy! That shit works on tofu, but not people: keep that rotten cabbage to yourself. Without any further ado, Five Shawites Lin Needs to Yam It On...
What better way to stunt on Kobe Bryant than to smash Miss Wasn't Shootin' In the Gym AND then spend Kobe's bread? Shawty got half! Let me hold somethin. Kobe is the most unlikeable athlete since the Russian from Rocky IV. Dudes don't like him, girls don't like him, his parents don't even like him, why else would they name him Kobe? That's some hateful shit to name your kid after a Japanese Steakhouse. That's like me naming my seed Outback.
The Mayo Jar Gripper
If only for this woman's superior genetics, Lin needs to dunk on this jump. I mean, PEEP GAME, shawty just swallowed a jar of mayo WITH HER A-S-S! Imagine what other talents she has. She might could swallow a basketball or make Lin a Vagina sombrero. He could just wear her on his head rollin' down Rivington St. going to the game from his brother's apartment.
Real talk, I prefer Lisa Ann to the original, BUT... Lin should hate smash Palin for what's she's done to us the last 4 years. She might be the only thing more evil than levamisole. Plus, Palin got pink nipples. Chinamen can't stay away from that crack. It calls us like "Careless Whispers" at karaoke. You try to find other songs, but that shit jumps out and attacks you all crazy like YOU WILL SING ABOUT THESE FEET THAT DONT DANCE RIGHT NOW SON. Lin would also be putting chlorine in the gene pool by giving her kids that can abacus, but won't trombone blow every dude with a pair of Bauers.
This would make Grandma Lin so happy. The question on every Taiwanese person over 50's mind is not how Jeremy will play, but whether he dates white women. Taiwanese Grandmas grip the shank every time some white woman interviews Jeremy Lin. He can't go the way of Bruce Lee or red pandas. They just don't make chinks like this anymore. Chun Li needs to wife him up. Even if he is runnin' around with the Mayo Jar chick on his head, he needs to come home to Chun Li, wear a v-neck, house sandals, and eat beef noodle soup. She'll have the keroppi toothbrush waiting for god.
COME ON! What Asian kid didn't want to wife Eve? She was on Ruff Ryders when Jin was there! For yall that weren't rockin with Planet Asia before Lin, it was Jin. Yea, I'm not kidding, it was that bad. We had no one on the squad besides Jin. The sad part is you know Jin never caught a whiff of shawty with Al Qaeda Jada and Styles trading off on Eve like
"Yea! In and out/back to back again..." - Styles
"The cocaine from spain, but the heroin is african..." - Jada
(That's how you make a Ruff Ryder sandwich.)
But when she wasn't giving lap dances in illadelph strip clubs or getting mashed out by D-Block, Eve was the HARDEST! Come on, she rocked prada suits and pushed the cadillac truck with her friends in the back. That's all anyone can ask for!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
I like how you been comin' with the hammer son. HIT EM HIGH, HIT EM LOW, THEN ASK FOR MORE BREAD AND CHICKPEAS B. You got a little herky-jerky, Latrell Sprewell, stop-n-go, rhythm to your writing, but it's cool. Juelz made it pop for him so do you.
I see people hatin though. I held your boy Sam down back in the day and I got your blue print right here. You like Frank White fresh out the box, you already know. People don't like you shuttin' down the old 4-star hustle, they don't want to cut you in on dime bags in the park. They need to justify their prices and dining rooms. If some ho-hum I-talians in a deli can do work and serve food on the same level that hits the soul and not your Costanza wallet, people are gonna be aggy. You fuckin' with their money.
But do your thing. They can't touch you. They couldn't stop the No Limit Tank or the Cash Money Millionaires, now even Hov talkin' bout Baby Money. You are exactly right giving restaurants stars based on how YOU feel. You're a writer, not a pawn. Food writing SHOULD have personal elements and style. It's an art form and this is show business. The chefs and writers that refuse that truth are actually accepting defeat. Every one can cook now, the secret is out. So all you mother fuckers that have been eatin' off truffles and bottled water can come the fuck down from your pedestals and join the rest of us. We SHOULD be excited about restaurants, we SHOULD be championing the things we like, this is an adversarial system. You pick your squad and I'll pick mine. I'm sick and tired of writers trying to capture the objective, accepted, and majority opinion of other food writers. Yall are herbs anyway. Half you food writers wearin' skechers B. Step the fuck up. Why does anyone care what you guys think? DO YOU PETE.
And the next time someone has some shit to say about your reviews, you tell em to call Hov:
let me guess, they said it was money round here
and the rest is me stoppin you from gettin it, correct?
sorry to hear that, my guess is you got work at the hotel
i'll take care of that , you'll soon see, now please
give me the room key
you're twitchin, don't do that, you makin me nervous
my crew, well, they do pack, them niggas is murderous
so would ya, please put your hand back in sight
they don't like to see me nervous you can understand that, right?
you draw, better be picasso, y'know the best
cause if this is not so, ah, god bless
you leave me no choice, i'll leave you no voice
believe you me son i hate to do it just as bad as you hate to see it done
now calm your boys,
cause i'm findin it a little hard to concentrate with all the noise
get the point, i'll let ya go,
before ya leave,i guess i aughta let you know, i need those keys
and promise you never, no matter the weather
evaevaevaevaevaevaevaevaeva come around here no mo'
NOT A NAN-NUTTER ONE OF THESE OTHER FOOLS IS A PICASSO, TAKE THEY MOTHER FUCKIN ROOM KEYS PETE! FORT GREENE STAND UP 11217, we got u!
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Thursday we cooked at the homie Andre' Saraiva spot, Le Baron, for Annabelle Dexter-Jones and Faith Connexion. The menu was
Taiwanese Black Chicken Soup with Lion's Head Meatball
Salt Fish Country Sausage Bao
La Frieda Creekstone Ground Beef and Fennel Dumplings
Zha Jiang Mien
Szechuan Peppercorn Roasted Chicken with Broccoli Rabe and X.O. Dried Scallop Fried Rice
Mantou and Longan Bread Pudding (I make the same dessert errytime cause the boy can't bake, ovens is for Jordans)
This was the Black Chicken, free range, native to Taiwan.
This was CHEF SEZ enjoying the Bao with Soup
This is Jeff breaking the Le Baron kitchen's cherry.
Roasted Chicken and Fried Rice
Fancy peoples eating
Some real sexy shawties
TOM SACHS WAS IN THE BUILDING! I FUX WIT HIS SHIT.
Nina Garcia was in the building. Bring Kors wit you next time, he funny.
Then I slid uptown to catch GHOST, RAE, and METH... It was a good day
For all you TJ Max frequenting fools, let me introduce you to the one, the only, Martin Greenfield. Homie is a Holocaust Survivor amongst many other things and has owned his company in Brooklyn since 1977. He was doing personal fittings in the Ace Boardroom this weekend for Fashion Week and it was dope to meet the man who made over 200 of Patrick Ewing's suits. He had photos of Colin Powell and Obama but I was like, "Dun, I need that shit Ewing be wearing to Atlanta Gold."
I also schooled him on my own type of bespoke shit. AKA, that Chinatown Bootleg FENDIEE sweater. Then, I cop'd a suit with this Atlantic City themed lining in it: