Monday, December 17, 2012

#FreshOfftheBoat LA Pt. 2 w/ Roy Choi



POW!

Friday, December 14, 2012

Christmas @ Jezebel


3 years ago, December 24, 2009, we opened Baohaus on 137 Rivington...

This year, we're gonna celebrate our 3 year anniversary on Christmas with THE CHOSEN PEOPLE @ Jezebel. We wanted to highlight some of our favorite dishes from Baohaus and past CNY dinners for our Kosher homies who haven't gotten to try it. So, to all my old friends from Cardozo, this is the time. Come poly with us... 

Here's the set menu
(ordering in accordance with Kosher LAW)

Mala Black Sea Bass

Spicy Short Rib Noodle Soup w/ Beef & Fennel Peppercorn Dumplings

Taiwanese Cold Cucumber & Eggplant Plate

Bao Platter

Szechuan Roasted Cornish Hens w/ Broccoli Rabe Fried Rice

Granita


Monday, December 10, 2012

WE DON'T BELIEVE YOU, YOU NEED MORE PEOPLE


So, we went to Persian LA and I have to say, it was disappointing. 

Respect to the gods of Tehrangeles, but I don't feel like a community a collection of shops and businesses makes. Assimilation is a tricky mother fucker and there's good and bad with it is as there is with every thing. If you live in Persian LA, if you Persian in America, let me know what's really good. I want to know what it's like on your side. Not every one needs to bunk up in Chinatowns, Little Haitis, etc. but let me know where you at Persians... because Shahs of Sunset and Andre Agassi's Dad is all we have to go off right now. FAAACKK




Monday, November 26, 2012

#FOB Taiwan EP 1, Part 3



 It goes without saying, this episode was special. I remember when I got my show with Cooking Channel and I told myself, "Gotta get Mom on." I don't know if it's a Chinese thing, a Taiwanese thing, a NY thing, or just a human thing, but when things are good I think of family first. You watch the show and it probably seems like I talk to my parents every day, but it's more like once a month. Once I moved to NY in 2005, I told my parents I'd only call when I had good news cause I was a grown ass man.

I wasn't a kid that needed my parents' opinion, support, or hand holding. I just wanted to make them proud, so, on both shows whether it was Cooking Channel or Vice, I always got my family with me. That's who I do it for. So thanks to every one who watches this episode because this family story wouldn't be possible without your support. It's a special moment for the kid and it's really because of yall.

 Lastly, one moment in the show I want to bring attention to. When my Dad says "Japs" we thought long time about taking it out and actually did, then put it back in on Friday during edit (YES, we work overtime yall... shouts to Jarad Jeter and David Laven). My Father's family and Mother's family both were in China up until '49 or '50. My parents are the youngest of 5 and 6 in both their respective families and the only ones of their brothers and sisters born in Taiwan after fleeing China. My father's family lost their home and numerous family members from the war. My Grandfather on my mother's side sold mantou on the street in Taiwan. There's literally one generation between me and that man sitting on a blanket selling bread.

 I don't think I'm allowed to hold a grudge nor do I think it's prudent, but he's allowed to. We could have protected ourselves, the show, my father, etc. by pulling it out, but we want to represent the real. You can't go to Taiwan and do an episode without encountering the Japan or China issue. I think any group of people who have had families torn apart by war understands how my father feels. We literally wouldn't have ties to Taiwan were it not for the war. Just like Scorcese left the ill n-word drops in Goodfellas, we kept the Jap joke. "Sorry boys" - Velona

 Smack your favorite Chinaman and cop the book

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

You Wasn't With Us Shootin In The Gym

I swear I knew what I wanted to do with myself. 30 years ago, 30 days ago, 30 minutes ago, I swore I knew where I was going with this, but there are mad fucking voices in the internet my g.

I woke up today and read articles about living without irony, truth telling about Brooklyn's restaurant scene, re-defining a renaissance as pastime, and of course every Huang's favorite topic of discourse: immortality. This is just another day in 2012.

I get why people would say... Irony is a defensive maneuver; White Brooklyn is overrated; and immortality is within our clutches because I live in 2012, but the thing we have to remember is that we will disagree with all of this in 41 days because it'll be 2013 and in this generation, that's 369 million views of Gangnam Style.

As I sit here listening to Nellie Lutcher's "The Song is Ended... (But the Melody Lingers On)", reading Josh Ozersky impress the White Brooklyn experience on the whole of the borough, drinking a hot soy milk I ordered on my cell phone from my own restaurant, smoking some shit called Durban Poison x OG Kush, I realize that we have every thing and nothing all at the same time.

Even in a post-Sandy-recession-America, we're paralyzed by choice and many times... opportunity. I can remember what soup dumplings tasted like when I was 6. I can remember exactly how I felt when Webber called the timeout and I can tell you what it was like watching the Berlin Wall come down, but I can't for the life of me remember what I wanted to do 20 minutes ago without google calendar. I can't write without a billion fucking digital sticky notes and I can't be on time for anything even if all I had to do is put on underwear and click on Skype, but it's not because I'm not trying. I am.

But it's also not because I don't have the resources because I do. Anyone who tells you they "can't" do something is lying. Anything is possible and not only is it possible, but it's possible this AM, this PM, ASAP, EOD, and if you're across 110th St: V$VP. Yet, every day I fuck it up. Why is it that we have every thing and nothing all at the same time? Because we let old fools TELL US we're fucking it up.

I like that we respect the past. I like that we shop vintage, design retro, and eat slow. I like the resentment our generation has for the mundane, the processed, the co-opted. I like that it's not good enough to just drink beer unless its incredibly shitty cheap beer or incredibly overpriced artisinal beer with a clever name and transcendental graphic design that somehow says every thing we need to know in 12oz increments. I like that people see the value in old dim sum parlors or Mario's on Arthur Ave. We are expected to know what's best. We are expected to know all. We are expected because we have access.

But look Mom and Dad, our "access" and our opportunity is a lie just like that time they dangled Miami in front of Lefty (Donnie Brasco). The internet is just a really fast newspaper. Iphones are just another layer and parents just don't understand that our generation has its own challenges. The same questions you couldn't answer about life, happiness, and existence elude us too. The internet only holds what we put in it. So get the fuck out of my head and let me live.

We want nothing of the middle. We want to celebrate the margins. We try really hard to project meta slacker. Yet, despite Hanna Horvath's mesmerizing attempts to cloak this generation in a blanket of 70/30 USDA choice ground apathy leaking out of a spaghetti strap, we are a VERY ambitious generation. Every Girl in "Girls" is a socially paralyzed product of this generation, but they're not real. They're flat pawns, being moved around in an allegory by a 26 year old woman who will probably run the world in 3 internet years i.e. episode 5 of Season 2. They are caricatures. And although Dinesh D'Souza and friends paint Obama as a left-leaning crazy "trapped in his father's time machine", he is an inspiring boring centrist half-black President who will never make anyone happy because the trademark of this generation is not entitlement but EXPECTATION. We are drunk with the weight of expectation.

Yes, this is our generation: a hyper ambitious lot that's running around like a chicken with no head being portrayed as irreverent, nihilistic, and ironic, but actually trying really fucking hard to live up to the expectations. A place in time where cats chase dogs, girls run the world, and Brooklyn is overrated. When every thing is at our fingertips, it all seems so far away. I don't see my friends, I don't hear my friends, but no matter how much I text, tweet, email, and skype, I miss playing Marvel v. Capcom with my friends on a couch eating cookies from this farm called Pepperidge which I don't believe was actually a farm at all. I go to Katz, I go to Russ & Daughters, John's on 12th, Rao's, and read Andrew Zimmern wax poetic about Uncle Tai's, but what do I know about 1970s New York? Nothing. Absolutely nothing at all. I like it better because I wasn't there. And people shit on irony, or Brooklyn, or Kobe because they weren't there with a mother fucker shooting in the gym.

But we are... We're here. So own up to it mother fuckers. Broke don't look good on nobody. We want to be rich. We want to ride chrome. We want to leave our mark. So when people tell us it used to be better or Josh Ozersky tells Brooklyn it's delusional or Wampole tells you to live without irony, tell them to suck a holographic bag of dicks because it's 2012 mother fucker and we don't give a fuck, except when WE decide we do.

Monday, November 19, 2012

#FOB Taiwan Episode 2

We did some "cooking" #BaseGod We did some surfing #SurfNinja We perpetuated stereotypes about Americans by channeling Guy Fieri #CheesePorkMuffin Fuck with the kid Fresh Off the Boat $$$

#YoungTakeOff

Ninjas was hungry

Music for the gods

Son of A-swey

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I Read Pete Wells at Night... with no pants on

Over the last 12 hours, every one has read Pete Wells' review of Guy's American Kitchen & Bar. I first caught the review from Kat Kinsman's tweet containing a list of her favorite take downs. Then, Papa Drew blasted it to every one with a restaurant in NYC sans-BCC which was extra entertaining since I'm pretty sure every one on the email from Emeril to Tony to Daniel Boulud was reading it with no pants on at 1am... or at least I was.
But pants or no pants, we can't ignore the gravity of this review. I guarantee in 2 years, we will look back at this review and say "This was the moment." This was the moment where an essential voice in the food world went on the record and said fuck you food network, fuck you guy fieri, fuck this system of big box restaurants with Cheesecake Factory food propped up by people who can't cook. In a world where half these food writers take free meals in exchange for positive press, where people think yelp has any credence, LUCKILY, we have the NY Times. Thank fucking god for the New York Times because you can trust them. Do I think Michael White got the short end of the stick with the Nicoletta review? Yes. Do I think Danny Bowien is the cutest chef in NYC serving extreme amounts of salt in a myriad of metaphysical Chinese forms? Yes. But do I think the NYT is a source you can trust for honest reporting independent of the "industry"? Yes. It is the ONLY source I know of that you can trust for food critique INDEPENDENT with no strings attached.

*added these 2 paragraphs after reading some other reviews of review*

I've been reading a lot of reviews of Pete's review and just wanted to add this thought. This is a RICO case. We ALL knew Guy's restaurant would suck just like the Neely's sucked, just like every one in the hood knows who's running game. It's not a secret. THE MAN allows things to exist. Hustlers: from the dude with vials to Guy Fieri are ALLOWED to exist. You see them every day. You see vials on the street on the way to the train, you see billboards for the Food Network, Fieri, etc. We walk by every day hoping someone will stunt their money. And that's why I disagree with @wearyourfek (Foster Kramer) about how the article needed more advocacy, satire, or nuance. Why? These people don't deserve that. Liberals have such a problem shooting something in the face, but in life, that's what some things deserve. Guy Fieri doesn't deserve some nuanced, lightly complimentary, back handed critique.

He got exactly what he deserves, a shot in the face. And, it puts people on notice. It draws a line in the sand. ANYONE can get it. Why should the NY Times live in this vacuum only reviewing "industry" restaurants? Food needs to be democratized, but to have an efficient democracy, you need an educated populus. This review should be remembered as the moment we all recognized "Dumb Rappers Need Teaching". We THINK every one knows Guy Fieri sucks or that you should vote Obama, but every one does not know that my g. This was the ill McNulty moment when Wells finally indicted all the people who've been eating off the proliferation of hot trash. It tells us anybody can get it. If Justin Warner is gonna go all big hair and karmaloop clearance rack, this is a review of Do or Dine in 5 years. If I decide to watch bangbros 5 times a day instead of 3, this is a review of Baohaus next week. You push hot trash on the people, you will get dealt with, Scripps can't protect you from THE HAMMER. This indicted Fieri, Scripps, and anyone else opening some sort of celebrity Cheesecake Factory. Just Say No to Hot Trash America. #RICO

*this was the ending previously. it doesn't work anymore but its there cause i don't erase anything from the blog*

I feel this way as a cook, restaurant owner, gremlin, whatever the fuck I am. If we're friends, we're friends, but as a friend, I didn't sign on to support your food unless I really fuck with it and I don't expect you to support mine either unless you really fuck with it. When you shout someone out on twitter, interviews, shows, ect. you should mean it. People TRUST US. They spend money based on our recommendations. It's not nothing. Why can't chefs tell each other "hey dude, the turmeric in the catfish is different than last time?" I love when Andy Ricker comes to Baohaus and tells me that dude with the Cincinnati Reds hat totally flumboluxed the noodles. He is the best "friend" I have in food and I've improved as an owner/chef because he gives it to me straight. I want to tear out Raphael Brion's eyes for giving me that stupid Marcus Samuelsson Fameball Award but I get the irony on the surface even though I disagree. I'm pissed but it's well within his right and I talk to him about it. As an industry, if we kept it real with each other, developed thicker skin and told people what we really think we'd all be better.

The best thing that ever happened to me in my life was that Sifton review. I probably didn't respond the way he wanted, but he'll probably tell you I did the right thing. I speak with words, with video, and Baohaus, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stand behind a stove 60 hours a week. Who told every one that that's what a chef does by the way? Because I don't know one successful chef/owner with multiple restaurants that works the line 5 days a week. Why don't we dispel that myth? Why don't we tell people that's unrealistic given the sub-10% margins at most places? I want the new Lebron X's and I'm not getting them by standing behind the stove at a 500 square foot restaurant every day. I RESPECT the work line cooks do and did it for years, but I tell them all the time, you SHOULD want more for yourself. Would you tell Andy Warhol: A REAL ARTIST PAINTS, stand here 60 hours a week with a paint brush? Why can't we keep it real in food? Why do we constantly reinforce myths about this culture? If you can't stand by your work and need someone to protect you, life will disappoint you in other ways. People telling the truth are not your problem.

Whether you're a new food magazine or a cook or a yelper or a chef or a restaurant owner, don't take free meals for false praise, don't protect "friends", and keep it real on the job because you've CHOSEN to be part of this great culture. If you want to be friends, you want to be liked, and you just want every one to get along, be a customer. We need those. But if you choose to play, respect the game.

Monday, November 12, 2012

#FOB : THE TAIWAN EPISODE

It's here... the mofuckin Taiwan episode.

In part 1, you'll see Taiwan is a culturally strange island with really idiosyncratic humor. If there's one thing I tell people about Taiwan it's that the place is mad funny, but people are in on the joke. They aren't oblivious. All the time, I laugh at bathroom or public signage and the locals laugh with me. They know it's ridiculous that there are signs that say SAUCE MOISTENING AREA, they just figure it's as close as they're gonna get and they're easy going. Multiple times I pointed out how signs weren't saying what they were supposed to and owners would laugh hysterically, wave the white flag in defeat, and go back to eating whatever pig parts were on a plate in front of them. It has a lot of the hustle that Japanese occupation and Chinese immigration must have brought with them, but at the end of the day it is an ISLAND and people are chill.

Growing up, people always asked "What is Taiwan? Is it China? Is it Asia? Is it Pacific Islander?" Taiwan is Taiwan. It's weird, it's hysterical and loveable. I think it's the pound for pound greatest eating city in the world, but tons of shows take you to night markets but don't capture what it's like to kick it with the people of Taiwan and for me it's non stop spit your soy milk out funny. The most under appreciated aspect of Taiwanese culture is the humor. The island isn't oblivious or stupid, a lot of it is intentional and the awareness is charming.

Oh yea, here's David Laven the producer eating chocolate dillz. We didn't even have to ask him to do it. This dude was like "YO, camera A, you ready? camera b? camera c? Eddie with the instagram? Alright, someone fuck this up cause I'd love to swallow another three chocolate penis cakes if we have time."

P.S. @thekidmero shawties shop exclusively at SWEET CAMEL

Locals with that bbq hot trash flow

This was my favorite hot bar lunch spot. Nothing fancy, but it really felt like eating at home because this one Ah-ma just put out 15 to 20 dishes of random stir fried vegetables, lu wei, red cooked meat, a fried chicken leg, soup, pan fried croaker, etc. You picked and choosed and paid by weight. Whole Foods need teaching.

IRONS

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Call me MR. TED FOLKS

Over the years, as I became more familiar with the life, during the TED Fellow application process, I learned a little bit about the unwritten rules of the Game. So I dropped a few knowledge darts to infiltrate the lifestyle of this secret society... CALL ME MR. TED FOLKS >>> 2013 TED FELLOWS HERE

On our journey we discover a world hidden by night. The world of the Fellow, the player, or mack as these ladies and gentlemen of leisure are commonly referred to in the game. It's a world where the names change, but the game remains the same. As these fellows hit the streets... It's always FELLOWS UP, HO'S DOWN!"

"I wanted to be down since the age of 14, I remember when I first told my Momma, I said, 'Momma, you know exactly what I wanna be when I grew up.' She said, 'You wanna be a TED Fellow!'." - Mr. White Folks

"I break it down like this. There's only one game and that's TED!" - Ice T

"Man there's a art to bein' a Fellow because if it was so easy man, every guy be doin it because every guy want the opportunity to control...The Fellow wants yo SOUL, he got to play you into a coma. He got to work you." - THE BISHOP DON MAGIC JUAN

"Call me MR. TED FOLKS" - The Chef formerly known as Eddie Huang aka The Human Panda aka General Loko aka SARS Blackmon

Monday, October 29, 2012

Fresh Off the Boat Ep 1: Part 3

What up FOBs? Shouts to every one who's been watching #FreshOfftheBoat we really appreciate the support. Today is Pt. 3 of Episode 1: Bay Area. Congrats to the Giants!

Our producer, David Laven aka Pretty Indian aka The Chubby Artist Formerly Known as Pretty Indian aka Orange Human Panda, was in the D for the game and got arrested for running on the field. I just have to say, Panda for MVP, my producer in the building, Bay Area episode today? You're welcome SF CITY. HUMAN PANDA SYMMETRICAL UNIVERSE STEEZ. But for real, I fux with the Bay and all the people out there. Much love fam, thanks for having us.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Behind the Scenes: FOB EP 1


Shit that be happenin' behind the scenes
FOB: EP 1, Oakland



DON'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT @GRENCOSCIENCE


COOKIES #GoodMorning #BackToSchoolSupplies


BIG ASS MEXICAN SANDWICHES #CrewMeal


TRAPPED IN THE BOOTH


ERRYTHANG WAS NICE ON OUR ROAD TRIP UNTIL 
WIZ TRIED TO GET HIS 3-STACKS ON #RobbedCruellaDeVil


SUP?


WHO FARTED B?


LADY ASIAN SHOOTER


DAS IT!


AND YOU STILL WATCHING THAT OTHER CHANNEL? 
#WashYourButt #MatchYourSocks #WeOffThat


Monday, October 8, 2012

Fresh Off the Boat




We made it y'all. From Hunan to Taipei to DC to Orlando to Pittsburgh to New York we mother fucking HERE NOW.


It took 2 years and change but we got off that other label and Vice set the kid free. There are no producers on this show telling me to lift that lid again, take another bite, really mean it when you bite it and tell the viewers how good it is even though it blatantly tastes like a rotten Haight Street Birkenstock.

Eddy Moretti showed me the Underground Smell Road, teamed me with this Indian fool rocking a nose ring and a murse, but it fucking worked. Like Zab Judah once said about Don King "He, he... he my sunshine."




We like Nick Nolte and Eddie Murphy, LILO and Stitch, Harold and a really 'mo Kumar. One time for the Pretty Indian... Over the next 18 weeks we're bringing you racial, cultural, and wild boy commentary through food.

You'll see squid grilled curbside in the Mission, we'll almost Dick Cheney a guest because I tripped with a shotgun, we'll meet the intercontinental soy milk champ, WB dance with the Kid Mero, but most importantly you will hear voices in places that have long gone ignored. We aren't putting people on the show because of who they know or what they look like. The voices will be raw, uncut, and there for you to agree, disagree, love and hate. I don't even like some of the guests, but that's the point. Every one gets to jump on the track. We want you to engage. We want you to think and we want you to question the way things are framed in the world.

People say the game is to be sold, not to be told; but Vice paid the cost the day they made you boss. Because you watch videos of Kara Crabb cooking vaginal discharge, a business like this lives to spit the real. The magazine, the show, the knowledge, it's paid in full because of y'all. Keep bangin'.

Peace to the Internet gods because this doesn't happen anywhere else. All respect paid to Velona and Jan for finessing all the dramatic angles. #A-Team #LordFinesse #MedicatedKid. Y'all kept me hyped, medicated, and inspired. Shouts to Caroline and Charlie for making sure this shit burns the way it should. One time for Rory, Jarad, Chloe, PATEL (formerly of the A-Team, now on Team Tom Timberlake), Alex, Mike D, Kate B, and Juliette. The Taiwanese Fixer Gods: George and Brian. Lutzky, don't get punched in the face before episode 2. Thanks to Mom an Dad for not using condoms. I'm Out Here. You Out Here. Vice killed the Food Network Star... Lame ninjas be quiet, the chinkstronaut has landed.


Thursday, September 27, 2012

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

I AM AN ASIAN MAN AND I THINK ASIANS SHOULD STOP WRITING


First it was this buffet...  (peep the link for article)


Then it was this... (peep the link for article)


Then she posted two photos in the same article wearing the same jumpoff? We get it, you like Forever 21, keep it moving.

Jenny An's article didn't bother me. I didn't even respond. Why? Cause we kick it with Asians... 


We kick it with white people... 


We kick it with brown people...


We kick it with black people...


Shit we kick it with mofuckin KATE UPTON... GOONIES!


All these Asian dating articles floating around are straight bullshit. WE LOSE every time one of these idiots writes an article because the position they begin their analysis from assumes that your skin determines your character. It doesn't you shit heads. Only in America are Asians relegated to cubicles and laundromats. If you go to Asia you will see. We got mother fuckers in mountains...


We got idiots who think they Chris Brown


We got Asians who are so fucking future


We got Asians with HELMETS ON!!!



Before you people write anymore articles perpetuating stereotypes, free yourselves of racial conditioning. You are not "ASIAN". You are not Chinese. You are not Taiwanese. You are not Vietnamese. I really hope you're not Japanese (j/k). You are an individual. Until you find a voice and detox yourself of stigma, stop defining yourself with labels. I'm proud to be Chinese-Taiwanese-... fuck... American.  But until I found my voice as an individual, I had to stop claiming all of the above. I had to shed my skin to reclaim it on my own terms. Do what you gotta do but please... stop writing until you find a voice.