Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Pimpin' AND Cookin' Aint Easy!

We all knew Pimpin wasn't easy, but cooking? Come on! So many people do it and make money, this shit gotta be cake right? NOOOOOOOOO

This is what has happened the last two weeks.

1) A restaurateur in New York decided to offer me a location and the money to start the restaurant. Deal went well, got to the term sheet, we even retained an attorney to do the operating agreement, and all of a sudden "investor" calls me to pull a super duper grease ball move and pulls the offer off the table cause he says "someone decided to front the money so I don't have to". The deal from the start was that he wanted to be the money guy so it was a 180. Look, this is business though. You get a better deal go for it, but ...

Before you make offers, be sure you want to do the deal. Its pretty JV to offer, ask someone for their advice, opinions, work, and even have them write the menu, do the legal work, create the logo, and then pull out. Its about equal to taking some girl to Pearl's for the lobster, chickalicious for the dessert, going back to your place, telling you to put on the flavored condom SHE brought, licking the tip, and then leaving with the left overs from earlier in the evening and you're sitting there with a stupid strawberry condom on your dick. That's not what's poppin.

BUT, not to worry, I'm actually partnering with my cousin cause I've known him for 27 years and the only time he turned his back on me was when i called him fat and he threw me into the piano, which I considered a pretty fair deal. Good guy.

2) Department of Health Standards - I went to the Brooklyn Flea - this place is great. I went there to check out the market and see what was there. Spoke to the people who are great, but just so readers know, to do fairs like this, you need to cook in licensed/commercial prep-kitchens to comply with the Department of Health. AND, the Flea is basically a curated fair so you can't just pay and walk in. Props to a place like that which isn't out to make a quick buck but actually wants good vendors!

3) Food Handler's Certificate - if you want to cater, sell food commercially, etc. you need a food handler's certificate. There are courses online and you take a test. Not hard. I'm doing it now.

4) Loans! - Loans are tough in this economic environment, but from what I've gathered Chase is the preferred lender for small business loans which the govt partially backs. Readers, correct me if I'm wrong. Some banks like Bank of America aren't even lending to first time businesses. Also, this may be elementary to most people, but just to throw it out there, 100% financing is non-existent. You need 20% down at least, pay stubs to show income, and credit in the 700s.

5) Anything else? OH YEAH, you better be able to fucking cook. So, from one rookie to another, being able to chef up a killer szechuan dog is just half the battle. Even if you are a prodigy in the kitchen, you can end up in the middle of your living room with a strawberry condom on your dick and no left overs.

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