Sunday, August 8, 2010

You Can Call Me Uncle



I hear you. Thank you. You know what.... a lot of you were right. The greens were a little salty. The rice was a little dry. My air max 90s are too fucking fresh. I'm sorry. I've been working with Chef Shlomi and by tuesday the food will be bulletproof. You just gonna have to get over the shoes. Pretty chink swag. Act like you know.

For all the people with feedback on food, honestly, thank you. I need it. We want to be the best and it starts with feedback. The people I won't listen to are the ones who keep saying "you can't have a night market without oyster pancake". Let me break this down for you... $1/oyster in NY. I'm not making anything with canned shit. If I do oyster pancakes, it's gonna be fresh. 8 oysters a pancake to do it right. 20% food cost... That's a $40 oyster pancake. I'm not gonna do it to you. Make it at home. I can't win with that dish like Lebron can't win with Delonte fucking his mom.

As for the other dishes you guys are requesting, I don't owe you shit. No one is forcing you to come here. Why would you look at a menu, go to the restaurant, and then complain we don't have something that a Taiwan night market has. Do I go to Bar Americain and ask Bobby for Hot Dogs and Apple Pie? You American son! Where my hot dogs at? Does it make any sense? ITS TAIWAN, this is the Lower East Fucking Side. You want $1 pork buns? Buy a $900 plane ticket. Or you could buy a $4 pork bun, an $8 cab ride, and 2.5 oz of melt your face off diesel.... Its math.

Just cause I'm Taiwanese, doesn't mean I'm a bootlegger. If you thought the goal with xiao ye was to bootleg Shilin Night Market, you got me all wrong. Even my gua baos were MY creation. So are my renditions of night market fare at Xiao Ye. I mean, some idiot even told me I needed more MSG in the dumplings. I DON'T USE MSG! It makes shawties swell up and look all lopsided and shit. Me and Situation tryin to build a grenade free america, it starts by banning MSG!

With the food at baohaus and dericious, the genre is Taiwan's but the recipe is mine. The President of TECO (taiwan economic and cultural office) told me once, "Taiwan is the water and you are the fish. The water needs the fish and the fish needs the water." Word to mother fucking Confucius, Sun Tzu, and RZA. That's some OG cryptic Asian proverb steez, but I see you. Thank you, Mr. President, the rest of you can call me Uncle...

7 comments:

  1. just have to say, thank you for talking about that delonte thing. haha. hilarious.

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  2. god DAMN, hahaha. It's all true. Loved what I had at Xiao Ye when I went last week, and I know you're even still finding your legs. I can't wait to see where it's at once it's a couple months deep. Preach on, we're listening.

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  3. delonte is the truth! i mean, everyone jokes about pizzling yo moms and this dude actually did it to his teammate. BOSS.

    glad u liked it Caleb!

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  4. DUDE, I do not swell up with MSG. Or do I? Quit calling us out like that!

    Big props for TECO already knowing your digs. There's actually a "Shilin Plaza" food court here. They sell Beijing style lamb skewers in one of the stalls, which confuses the shit out of me. But damnit, it's tasty.

    And keep your chin up. The West Coast is still watching.

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  5. Tried Xiao Ye last night. Dumplings were good - sauce had some szechuan spicy oil in it or what? It was deliciously numbing my mouth.

    Thought for the meat platter, you could make a separate dish with tofu, seaweed, egg, etc. as an option for the small size dish. Would love to have more veggie option on the menu though!

    I was XO'ed after dinner... Btw, was there MSG in the food? Drank a ton of water after the princeton noodles.

    Sorry I know this is not Yelp but I hate logging on Yelp.

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