Peace Out 2010

It was a good year... but before I pop bottles and ring in the new joint. Gotta say we fucked up a lot of shit too. My bad. If I did you dirty, this is as close as it's gonna get to an apology. Sing that shit Elton. Rock those glasses Elton. Tell em how I feel Elton. Thank you. See u next year snitches...

VOTE FOR STEVE!

 

This is Steve... This is Steve doing the Billy Crystal at some lounge while my peoples who can actually dance laugh at him. I have no idea if he's trying to do the bank head w/ Billy Crystal's white man's over bite, but I'm pretty sure it's not working. Steve's only redeeming character trait is that he's good at taking photos. So if you like this blog, if you like chinamen, or you like photos or you don't like any of that good good, vote for steve: http://www.artistswanted.org/stevenlau   it takes 2 seconds.

he took this in the Phillipinnes (i cant spell it, help hawaii mike!)

He took this in the Phillippines too ... in between he made locally sourced artisan pornos but he won't let me post them.

New Year's Resolutions...

DONG PO ROH

So, all the end of the year lists have been coming out... and of course, we're making all sorts of lists for four loko...

It's my own doing, it's funny, but I hope we can put it to bed in 2010... I had no idea the shit would get that big and I want to get back to just cooking. I think I started off 2010 really well and then shit the bed late. My New Year's Resolution for 2011 is to be the best $10 Chinese Chef in NYC. We did it with $4 (thanks NYT), but now I want to offer the best food in the city for $10. We shootin... No one is gonna fuck with the kid in that price range. If a dime bag is sold in the park, I want in. I'm gonna be a fucking chef. I don't exactly know what it means... I don't know if I need to buy a coat with monogramed shit on it or partake in pre fixe masturbation by combining exotic ingredients that don't belong together or buy some knives besides a cleaver, but here's the plan and also some pics of what's been going down....

Starting Jan 17th, every Monday at Baohaus, I'm going to do $10 TV Dinners. I want to "cover" the classics. Things your parents and grandparents talk about like they're Bigfoot. Chinese parents love talking about those Bigfoot dishes that just get away from them. One place in town made it, no one ever figured it out, and then they never got it again. Motherfuckers, I'm here. The spaceship has landed. All that shit the game's been missing I brought back from the future. Feel free to leave suggestions of things you want. Don't say, things like "abalone" or "golden retriever" cause that shit is real expensive and it doesn't fit the $10 concept, but def let me know what's for dinner. Sam was right and korean grilled cheese wasn't the look, but yall know I murder the classics: hainan chicken, zha jiang mien, potstickers, momma jokes, come on now... It took me 2 months to figure out the next move, here it is.

For 52 weeks, I'm going to do 3 different items every single week on Mondays. For instance, tonight, I made Dong Po Roh, Mapo Tofu, and Sauteed Greens. You would get that for $10. Once it's been made, it's gone. Bigfoot shit, so don't miss a week. Or you can wait till I drop the cookbook, but if you buy my cookbook you should probably get your money back (thanks cara) cause I would definitely fuck you up by leaving shit out or tell you to put your foot in the brine or dick in the mashed potatoes for extra flavor. I can't give you the whole playbook on the first date for $20. I'm a soft cover, make you wait, sensitive mother fucker and I need attention. 52 times a year. And, shawty, I need you to keep those boots on. But my food game is strong and you will love me like you've never loved a Chinaman before:

I went back to the well and made some Dong Po Roh with my favorite cut of meat: Pork Belly. It's a famous Huangzhou dish created by Dong Po but people in Shanghai do it real well too. Dong Po's kinda like your boy. Got in a lot of trouble, got banished, and perfected red cooking pork belly. I mean, son, LOOK AT THE COLOR I got on that skin! It's redder than the eye of thundera and it's au-naturale. No coloring.

 

I also made scratch Ma Po Tofu. Like, I made the chili oil myself last week and then dropped a fucking heat rock today. Classic Szechuan shit. Still my favorite way to eat silken tofu. A lot of people make it with firm tofu, but I like to scoop it up, crush it and mix it with vegetables, rice, and eat it with miller high life. YOU GET ALL 3 of these in a large takeout box for $10:

Every Monday from 11:30am to 11pm, starting Jan 17th, dine-in, take-out, delivery, you can get one of those chinese takeout boxes with 3 segments filled with a meat on rice and 2 sides for $10. I'm the only one that will be cooking, it won't be like xiao ye where i'm stuck doing other things besides cooking, this is all I'll be doing... COOKING, COOKING, and SMOKING... I mean, I cook and smoke the other days, but I have to feed the birds so Mondays it is... One started chirpin too much today so I cooked that bitch...

 

Head game and all. I brined her, I stuffed her, I fried her, then I braised her... 

8 Treasure Glutinous Rice Stuffing. I got a better photo when I get back to NY. This is all off Evan's Iphone cause I left my sony cord in el segundo.

Oh yea... in other news, I got a flat top griddle and a .40 cal glock wit lasers for christmas. So poontang potstickers for $3 in effect from mid-January till infinity at Baohaus as well. Yes, the lasers make it taste better. Peace to Charles Schumer and the rest of the homies in Albany. Pops says I should apologize cause "I don't want no trouble". For the record, I stay loving white people. Especially white people with mad power who can throw me in the box. You took the restaurant, we cool, leave my brother out of that SLA case, he got nuttin to do with it, we not tryin' to go out like the Pescis in Casino. But for the rest of you biscuits out there... Who else wanna fuck wit Hollywood Court? Dunna, dunt, dunt, dunt, Dunna, dunt, dunt, dunt, Dunna, dunt, dunt dunt....

That Time of Year

My favorite holiday song all time... Unless Mariah drops some new shit with Cam'ron before Saturday.

Bouncers

Eater put up a hilarious video of this kid getting straight tossed by a bouncer. I watched it and thought it was pretty clear that the drunk kid figured the bouncer couldn't touch him and verbally attacked the bouncer. What really bothered me was the guy screaming they had a law suit. First, what do you know about the law? Second, fuck the law. As a human being, you can't verbally attack someone like that and expect not to get throwed? I was PRAYING that this kid got thrown in the street and run over by an Olive Oil Truck, the Pope Mobile, or something equally Italian. Like a Domino's Pizza Bus haha. It is really annoying when people take the law as morality. If someone yelled at you like that, wouldn't you do something? No one has a right to verbally berate another person like that. It's very simple, if you don't want to get tossed, don't talk shit.

Whether you're a server, bartender, bus boy, cashier or bouncer, people think just because you are on the job, they can talk to you without any of the normal human courtesies you would with friends or co-workers or even just strangers on the street. FYI mother fuckers, you're paying for food and service but you're not paying for a crack at the dunk tank. If we wanted to get paid for being your personal doormats, we'd either work at a carnival or audition for bukkakke castings. We have done neither so keep your bullshit to yourself.

Seriously, anyone who thinks this bouncer was in the wrong is delusional. I always tell people. The best way to see people's true character is to pay attention to the little things. Not interviews, not references, but watch how someone talks to bouncers, waiters, the delivery guy, cab drivers, etc. The people lowest on the totem pole. That's where you'll really see how someone operates. This is why I love dinner dates. Bitches who think they can hand things to waiters without making eye contact will probably be too lazy to take their birth control as well. And that's a fucking deal breaker. Peep the product before you buy people!

vote that the kid was wrong, don't want this bouncer losing his job: http://ny.eater.com/archives/2010/12/who_do_you_support_in_irish_exit_bouncer_brawl.php#reader_comments

Disclaimer: I do shit on Telemarketers and Mormon Missionaries, but I think that is acceptable.



YOU THROWED

We Shootin...

Been a crazy week. Events every day. Just in the last week, we catered Thom Filicia's Release Party (my co-d Martha Stewart came through), cooked at the Taiwanese Embassy, did $1 Bao Day, and shot the pilot for 2 days. So today, I stayed in, had a Netflix Night, got some wonton soup with char siu pork from Noodletown, and drank a lot of robitussin. Sippin on some sizzurp... so relaxing.

The shoot this week was pretty dope. We hit up Jerk City, Imperial Palace, and K-One. My favorite part so far is getting into OPK (other people's kitchens) and seeing their technique. Imperial Palace was dope. They had a bucket for used oil from the wok. i.e. every time they made an order of lamb chops, they'd flash fry the lamb, then toss the lamb over a strainer and dropped all the used oil into a bucket. But then for certain dishes, they'd use that oil for extra flavor. It sounds funky but it tastes really fucking good. They also live butchered a dungeness crab, wok fried it while still pulsating, then steamed it. Mad fresh.

Jerk City was poppin. I spoke to Chef Orville for a while and the recession's been hard on the neighborhood. If you get a chance, definitely go support Brooklyn Business and cop that Jerk City. I know there are a lot of trendy spots in BK that get a lot of buzz, but give these West Indian joints a shot. They are the heart of the borough and I feel they've been kinda forgotten. He makes a really good jerk chicken slow and low, oxtail, and curry goat.

He marinates the chicken for 2 days before grilling and uses all natural chicken. I told him he should advertise it, but he doesn't. Meanwhile, all these other "farm to table" restaurants are charging $18+ for a quarter all natural chicken. This is what I love. Orville didn't even realize that he was doing something "trendy", people from other countries just EXPECT all natural chicken because the legs are bigger. I discovered his chicken was all natural because when we cut em open, I saw goosebumps on the skin that's usually a dead giveaway. When you eat purdue commodity chicken, the skin is just fat and sickly, it doesn't even have goosebumps. The legs are also much smaller since the breast is genetically modified to be larger. You can get white meat jerk, but you really shouldn't. For $5 you get rice and beans, steamed cabbage, plantains, and all natural jerk chicken. Go.

Thanks For Coming!

Baohaus 1 year anniversary got pretty crazy. Let's do it again next year yall...

The haus was dumb crowded and we sold out at 8pm just like the old days. I remember when we first opened, our first $600 day, me/steve/evan/and simon thought it was the coolest thing ever and we sold out at 9pm. Then we kept selling out for 2 weeks and realized we should probably get a bigger pot. It took about 14 days for us to reach this conclusion. I can't believe baohaus made it a year considering how fucking retarded we were from jump. Honestly, people, we opened this joint with pots from Ikea. Stools from Ikea. Diarrhea we got at Ikea from swedish meatballs. I might have even stole a tray of Ikea cinnamon buns because it was too easy to not do. Thanks for being a bunch of marks, Ikea.

Speaking of stools, this man, the Mayor, Stephane Adam built most of the stools at baohaus. This is what  out of work attorneys do these days. They make stools at baohaus and pound the Champagne of Beers.



Why did I just drop a serani video? I dunno but it probably has something to do with that shitty Jennifer Convertibles couch he has in the video. From now on, I will blog exclusively from my Jennifer Convertibles pull-out sofa.