Wednesday, March 24, 2010
So... Everyone knows I got that fire. That butter soft. I don't step on my shit: all nautral, humanely raised and braised. Out O.T. people are droppin like flies puttin MSG and color treated chinatown meat in they systems. BUT, the stupid fiends don't see the dry mouth, headaches, and bodies droppin, they just see someone in another borough with baos for less. They all, "Ayo E, your shit is the jump, but mad expensive." And I'm like SON, this is Niman Ranch Custard no borax, no b-12, no soda. The fuck you want? I'm the other guy that got your mother high. Buns like an emperor, I make geishas cry. (assist from killah)
I really want to smack people who say its too expensive at Baohaus. I remember when Chinamen and Women were EMBARRASSED to not have money. The good ol days when the gremlin keepers fought over who paid the bill and saved money by getting haircuts in bathtubs with noodle bowls. They just don't make us like they used to. My model has obviously been retired cause I don't complain that something is $1 more. Huang Model #1689 put the jersey in the rafters next to Yao Ming Model #11.
Let's do a pros and cons between me and smack your favorite wack chinatown dump.
More trains in the area (N, Q, 4, 5, etc)
They serve scorpion bowls without a liquor license (BOSS)
You get fortune cookies
The waitresses are easy
You probably just supported terrorism aka falun gong
You just supported the slaughter of pigs raised in cages that were fed their own doodies
And you will have diarrhea in t-minus 10 seconds (PRO: your jeans will look like circa '98 diesel destroyed joints so that's kinda cool)
You are most likely supporting sweatshop type hours
You are eating in a god damn tourist trap, the Taiwanese are in flushing...
It tastes better
All natural, humanely raised meat
Sarah just posted the no pigeons video on my facebook
Victoria just told a customer she could sell ice to an eskimo
We serve people with no pants on as long as they wear ice cream gloves when ordering
We got co-signed by the motherland (TVBS)
You are supporting people who say fuck the law, don't ask me for shit, everything you get you got to work HARD for it!
If you say anything on yelp, I will probably murk you
If you act like a retard, we will talk about you in our open kitchen
The alias owner next door sometimes throws plates at people
Last but not least..... ITS ALL A LIE. All the people who say you can get gua bao for cheaper in chinatown are FULL OF SHIT. That's the funniest thing. On yelp, on twitter, its always an Asian person saying it thinking that we won't pull their card. THERE IS NO GUA BAO PERIOD in CHINATOWN.
You know what Asians, its time to stop thinking you have credibility just cause your Asian. Every single person I have messaged or asked point blank where they can get a gua bao in chinatown they shut the fuck up. If you find one, then bring it over, eat it and tell me to my face its better and cheaper. In flushing, YES, temple snacks, 66, you can get it. And its not bad. Its not as good as ours, you save $1, and you have to take the 7-train. You have to be the only Asian who spelled their name wrong on the SAT if you think that's better value.
Oh yea.... and I just fed the streets with $1 green monster sandwiches that I made with Niman Ranch Bacon ends. I didn't even cover my costs. Its a gift from me to you, die hater.