Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Timeout


The Magazine for Murray Hill Tourists took shots at the kid today. Its all good, I'm chillin. Fix my glasses baby girl... You got it? Thank you. Ok, so I put on these glasses to give the article a closer look and I see it clearly now. I'ma just break it down like Cornell Notes right now.

  1. "...a cocky pretender to the David Chang throne. But while Chang is a genuine prodigy, Xiao Ye proves that Huang is just a kid with outsize ambitions—and a remarkable knack for grabbing the spotlight."
    1. Besides the fact that we're from the far east coast, why would I be compared to Chang? He drinks PBR, I drink Four Loko. He makes pork buns, I do it better. Why doesn't timeout ask Meehan to compare Noodle Bar in its 3rd month to Xiao Ye in its 3rd month. If you compare us now, it's not even close. He's Hova. Big brother. I'm just tryin to show up at award shows and let Taylor Swift know she ain't all that. But is this city too small for three Asian People? Chang, Huang, Pelaccio? LOL. Only one of us can get money? As for the "spotlight", it aint my fault. Your chick chose me.
  2. "Even by the relaxed standards of the Momofuku age, his narrow Lower East Side spot is radically chill, with slovenly service by young women in short-shorts, cramped seating on punishing wood cubes, and black walls adorned with his own travel snaps." 
    1. Is this really a problem? Seems futuristic to me.
  3. "Suitably sloshed, you may in fact have a fine time at Xiao Ye—failing to notice, for instance, how much the generic duroc-pork pot stickers ($8 an order) resemble the Chinatown classics, sold five for a dollar a few blocks away; or how the Princeton Review Bean Paste Noodles are like a milquetoast version of Grand Sichuan’s dandan (more sweet than spicy); or that the clumsily hacked hunks of poached Hainan chicken are in fact an alarming shade of pink."
    1. Oh really? Tell me, where can you get open ended pot stickers with duroc pork and WITHOUT MSG? The closest dumpling shop to Dericious is Vanessa's, which I love, but it's different. They have my favorite northern style dumpling. The fact that you compared zha jiang mien to dan dan mien shows you know ZERO about Chinese food. Zha Jiang Mien is a bean paste noodle from the North, dan dan mien is a oil based noodle from the South. You basically just compared clam chowder to she crab soup. Nice. Hainan chicken ALWAYS has a red ring from the marrow. It's not raw, its a freshly butchered chicken out of an ice bath. I stand by the hainan chicken. Its been consistently praised... even by Cruella Deville and half the chefs in NY are getting on the hainan chicken band wagon thanks to Top Chef. You heard it here first. We cook it for 24 minutes and its always perfect. 
  4. "an insipid mountain of shaved ice with tropical fruit, mango gelatin and Day-Glo blue syrup—are also best suited to bingeing while liquored up."
    1. Did you even eat here? The syrup is not blue. The tapioca pearls are blue, the syrup is condensed milk. How did you confuse the two? This is our most popular dessert. Never sent back. 
In conclusion. Hate me. That's fine. You don't like me, you don't like the stools, you like David Chang. Fair enough. He's one of the illest chefs in the game. I just want to cook good food without the establishment. I'm interested in the culture of eating. I'm not a chef. 


And if you can't see that Xiao Ye is my attempt at defining a youth cultural American Born Chinese Food experience, then you won't appreciate it. I'm trying to redefine it with inspiration from Taiwanese Night Markets, St. Mark's St., and bodegas. Where else can you get a Johnnie Walker Bubble Tea, a Gochujang Grilled Cheese, and Taiwanese Potstickers? It's complicated, it's off the wall, but it's what I want to do, so do yourself a favor, and don't judge me by the standards of others. Will I ever win a James Beard Award? No. Do I care? No, I'm guessing he's just another dude who can't tell zha jiang from dan dan. You can't come in here judging the restaurant with your old lens. You need the giant .99 goggles I got on. I'm not Chang, I'm not Grand Sichuan, and I'm not Vanessa's Dumplings.


Timeout is basically on its C. Delores Tucker shit. This aint a "gangsta chef" blog. It's the Diary of a Chinaman in 2010: I'm a Futuristic Time Travelling Chinaman with a Spaceship called Baohaus 1. And yes, Chinaman is the preferred nomenclature, anything else would be uncivilized. 

18 comments:

  1. surprised they didn't complain about the rice not being white enough hahaha right on eddie!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Timeout -- it's what you read on the toilet after finishing the NYT and VV.

    The price comparison is absolutely irrelevant. How much does Chang sells his buns for? How come no one's complaining about that? And his fried chicken is how much when a meal at Kyochon $20? Finally, is the bao cart serving 4 Loko? (I mean, I really despise 4 Loko, but, still!)

    Shaved ice with condensed milk is insipid? Dude it's ice, it's gonna taste like water. But how can anyone hate on condensed milk? That's just an insult to a few millions AsIaNz.

    ReplyDelete
  3. reviewer didn't include a name, prob a recent midwest transplant unpaid intern who never saw a chinaman until he set food off the greyhound.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Eddie, you make me smile, and I haven't even eaten your food yet.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Rock on man. Way to take this apart and defend yourself. Good shit.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm "just another dude who can't tell zha jiang from dan dan.", but I can appreciate an original vision and good food. Say what you like about the tenants of Xiao Ye, it least it's an ethos...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Yeah, great philosophy. But your food isn't good. The end.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Time out magazine can suck a fat one! they dont know shit about vietnamese food either!

    ReplyDelete
  9. You are a Futuristic Time Travelling Chinaman with a Spaceship called Baohaus and we are all along for the dericious ride. Take us to the limits Captain and tell Time Out to concentrate on the fake NY that newly relocated nubes live in.

    ReplyDelete
  10. right on man! loved baohaus and can't wait to try xiao ye!

    i hate it when ppl can't open their minds and enjoy new food for what it is instead of what they THINK it be... yo, were you in the back cooking? if not, stfu, sit down and eat what you ordered...

    ReplyDelete
  11. You seemed to have gotten bad reviews. People aren't " hatin" they review restaurants for a living. Do your job - so they give you good one. WORK HARDER. Just sayin'.

    ReplyDelete
  12. The one in the middle appears androgynous.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Dear Colleague,

    TONY does not know food. Keep living the dream Eddie. -Elior

    ReplyDelete
  14. Gotta have one of those also... But check this Time Out KL contest for a chance to win 2 nights stay in Indonesia or Thailand!

    ReplyDelete