Wednesday, February 29, 2012


Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Back in the days

Old isn't always better... I'm not one of those dudes that likes retro just cause it's retro. I've just never taken to New American or Modern. I have nothing personal against the genre, it just doesn't resonate with me. I think it's great people will pay $9 for asparagus or white beans but I never will. I'm loyal to the neighborhood institutions serving classic food on white oval plates and paper napkins. From the 20 Shuttered Restaurants to NYC's 15 Most Beloved Old Timer Joints , there is a genuine effort by Eater recently to shine a light on the spots that hold us down. There's a major shift going on and the mainstays are disappearing at an alarming rate. It's nothing new, but I bring it up because there's something we can do about it.

These days, we have a lot of Chefs opening spots that masquerade as "neighborhood restaurants". Correct me if I'm wrong, I don't believe truly neighborhood joints Jin Fong or Ess-a-bagel had publicists when they opened. A lot of Chefs see a market in opening $25 and Under restaurants, neighborhood joints, and the idea is to blow people away with their refined technique on old time classics. It's cool, but it's not real. Every one of these guys would rather open a place with 100+ seats, all clad pans, and a cVap. You can't turn a ho into a house wife, she gon want what she wants and you can't do shit about it.

I don't want anyone to fuck with my spaghetti and meatballs. They've been fine for 29 years and 363 days of my life thank you very much. I don't need some asshole to come around and put goji berries in them. Some people obviously like modern neighborhood restaurants flipping the classics, but I don't. The one group of guys who aren't 100 years old but still nail it creating a neighborhood restaurant serving the food they grew up on are the Frankies who own 17 Clinton, Prime Meats, etc. If you told me that restaurant was handed down over 5 generations with the recipes intact, I'd believe you. I don't think people should "copy" them either. The only thing you should be "copying" is that they genuinely have a passion for what they do and what they want to say. If you don't have that, don't get in the business.

For the record, I don't know those guys, I've never met them, and anything I say is just love. Ditto to the dudes at Parm and Torissi. Slightly expensive, but it's always executed at a high level, quality never fluctuates, nobody's trying to reinvent the wheel and service is great. You get what you pay for: good, classic, food that translates across generations. I love how they break things out like the Saratoga, gardiniera, the shitty wood salad bowls. It's not ironic, it's not gimmicky, they're just things the guys like and grew up with. Then you have Shopsin's which is also not 100 years old, but most definitely the quintessential New York neighborhood restaurant. The family is there every day pouring over the food, defending their institution, kicking out all the scum that doesn't deserve to patronize it. They are the patron saints of New York's food scene and I love them. Anyone who disagrees simply doesn't understand what restaurants are about.

At Baohaus, we don't look like a neighborhood restaurant your grandparents went to. Our goal and our story is that we wanted to open a youth cultural street food restaurant in the spirit of In-n-Out Burger or The Original in Pittsburgh. You won't see things from your parents' era, but you will hear music and encounter lyrics from your childhood. Some people may not like that the bathroom is tagged up or the rag tag Kevin Johnson poster, but the people we wanted to reach get it. We capture the 90s through Taiwanese street food because that was my childhood. My point in picking out these "newer" neighborhood restaurants is to say that I don't think people miss these institutions that are shuttering simply because they're old.

We miss them because they were real. They had a soul, a mind, and a personality that wasn't calculated or researched; it just was. In the ad or design world, people always hate it when something's on-the-nose so they try to use found objects, weathered materials, purposely damaged goods. I appreciate the effort, but it doesn't cut it. No matter how much you pay a copyrighter or interior designer, you can't buy a soul. You either have a story to tell or you don't. You should live and breathe your concept. It can't be something you thought of last year and dedicated 6 months to figure out. I waited 28 years to open Baohaus, I'm sure Kenny and the Frankie's waited even longer. Restaurant 2 and 3 also need to come from a real place, not a 3 month study abroad trip (for the record: Andy Ricker basically LIVES in Thailand... he's real.) As consumers, we should just make sure to support the places that are offering an honest experience. The next time you want to go out for Italian, take the trek to Mario's in the Bronx or John's on 12th St. It's unacceptable that John's is empty some nights and the only people in the dining room are two kids that look like they just got out of Kung Fu School: Kenzo Digital and I.

I wish people just knew better and already went to these places but they don't. Most people you meet are scouring yelp or menu pages to find the next big opening. I still take the train to random neighborhoods and collect menus on foot then go back over successive weekends to eat my way through. If we don't support and patronize these off the radar places, they'll disappear. Just like we make an effort to turn off the lights, water, and recycle, we should consciously and routinely support neighborhood restaurants. I'm not kidding, at this point, with gentrification rampant, it's necessary. I don't care if credit card liberals will use friday dinner at Ping's as a cocktail conversation piece to brag about. The world is so full of politically dumb, deaf, and blind people that I'm really asking them to spend money at honest restaurants and I'll consider it a public service.

Please, please, please just keep these places alive. It's another post in itself that I'll write, but restaurants are important in the community as a gathering place. I'm positive that revolutions were started over Cuban sandwiches and Puerto Rican coffee. We have to preserve the joints where we can scheme, plan, and devise the next take over. I don't care if it means corny white people coming in and ordering house special fried rice. You support our restaurants and we'll give you the next Che Guevara while I eat this wonton noodle soup.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Mason Betha Was Right...

I really enjoyed this NY Times Article today about breakout stars and race. Despite the Mayweathers of the world, I think Lobo poses a very real question:

"Could anyone recall a black athlete who had come off the bench like Tim Tebow or out of the blue like Jeremy Lin, flared to immediate stardom and received the sort of impassioned outpouring of love that has enveloped Tebow and Lin?" - William C. Rhoden

While I enjoy the article, it plays naive. There isn't a preference for Asians over Blacks in sports. The answer frankly, isn't even that deep. It's right in front of us...

In the late-90s, I remember thinking it was kinda bullshit that Jeremy Shockey was on DKNY billboards when he wasn't even a top-5 tight end in the NFL. When Eminem came out, you knew he'd be the first rapper on the top-100 format radio stations. When Tebow started winning games, you knew bars above Houston St. would have Broncos games on blast and every one below was going to pretend it didn't happen. But what did Eminem, Tebow, and Jeremy Lin do that Victor Cruz didn't? Plain and simple, they broke stereotypes.

No one likes waking up and having their lives determined by race. Humans are obsessed with determining their own destinies. We're egotistical animals that like to know we have the ability to choose our own adventures. That's what excites us about Lin and Company, they not only defy odds, but also stereotypes. Eminem enabled a generation of "wiggers". Mobb Deep, Nas, CNN, 50-Cent and anyone else reppin' Queens unwittingly put a generation of "chiggers" from Bayside-Flushing on their backs. Lin is important because despite court vision, high basketball IQ, and Harvard, his feats are essentially physical. While Black people have been boxed up, stereotyped, and forced into physical tasks globally, Asians have been put in cubicles. We've been juxtaposed and placed at opposite corners of the sandbox.

There are no two races in America or the world more diametrically opposed than Asians-Blacks and the pressure points for this relationship are bodegas.

I understand black angst towards Asians and I understand why there's bulletproof glass at #1 Wok. My grandparents didn't have a single nice thing to say about Black people growing up, but as the only Asian kid in the elementary and middle schools I went to, I was for all intensive purposes: the black kid. Even at Dr. Phillips High School with 4000 students and the majority Black or Latino, I was still a "chigger" or "chinaman". Did I mind? No, just don't call me white. haha. Ohhh poor white people, mo money, mo mayonaise jokes. (Now we're even ESPN)

I have an entirely Black, Chinese, and Caribbean staff at Baohaus. Not by design, it just happened. We all get along, 80% is from Lefrak City, and 2 of 'em were rounded up in the raids 2 months ago. When it happened, we held them down, let them work through it, and did what we could to support. We don't judge. You live with people from different cultures long enough, you realize, we're all just trying to come up. Jewish people own all the banks because that's all Christians LET them do. They owned the laundromats because that's all you LET them do. When they moved up, we moved in to the laundromats, delis, and now law firms. There's solidarity because we all know how it feels. But, somewhere along the way, every culture has the Uncle Ruckuses or Chans that fall off the wagon.

I'll lay it out very clearly since other people are pussies. The Asian Club Asians who don't hang out with anyone besides Asians assume black people are lazy, rude, ignorant, and they impress baboon like characteristics upon them. It's bullshit. It's like the people who assume all Chinese people have moles, hair growths, scars from tetnis shots, two left feet, pocket protectors, and TI-82s. I am no longer surprised when white people who don't experience duality have these beliefs, but I find it entirely unacceptable for people of color to have them. Whether you're Black, Yellow, or Brown, you know how it fucking feels to be stereotyped and stigmatized. We know the stereotypical mother fuckers in the neighborhood who make the rest of us look bad, and we all know how the stereotypes aren't true. Why would you impress them on someone else? That's why Mayweather pisses so many people off. His sombrero wearing ass should know better.

I hope Rebecca Lobo doesn't feel like it's a conspiracy against Victor Cruz and other Black athletes who come from nowhere, do the damn thing, and then don't get the Jeremy Lin treatment. Personally, I knew Victor Cruz was Puerto Rican and when he scored I'd hit up all my frog loving friends. It was fun playing DANCE, DANCE, DANCE in the barber shop when his highlights came on. In NY, that's how it is. The lines between neighborhoods are blurred and when your friends get excited about someone reppin' their set, you get excited too. That's the way it should be. Solidarity. I wanna see my brothers eat.

Victor Cruz SHOULD have blown up. But as always, roads lead back to the Godfather. You expect Michael to work in the family business. That wouldn't be a surprise, but war hero? Of course! He broke a stereotype. Vito wanted him to be Senator Corleone, but it didn't happen. Is it fair that Cruz did relatively the same thing as Lin and Tebow but didn't get the same outpouring of support? No. But, honestly, Puerto Rican and Black people for the most part weren't even that excited themselves. I didn't see a lot of air brushed Victor Cruz shirts in the Heights when I went to Malecon. I doubt Rebecca was coppin' Cruz jerseys, but I started thinking... What if Victor Cruz's accomplishments cut against the stereotypical grain. What if he was a war hero? Or a Senator? And then I realized it... You know who was Jeremy before Lin? BARACK MOTHER FUCKING OBAMA. Your answer is right there, Rebecca...Let's do it again in 2012.

SOLIDARITY. It's not just people of color who should be supporting each other, it's basic golden rule shit. We are the world yall: Do unto others as you want to be treated. Mason Betha had it all figured out in "24 Hours to Live".

"I'd do good shit like take kids from the ghetto
Show them what they could have if they never settled
Take every white kid from high class level
Show them what Christmas like run up in the ghetto"

Support the people who feel your pain... We're all Asian when Jeremy balls. He's not just a symbol of being Asian, but someone who chose his own adventure. Whites, Blacks, Yellows, and Browns should all be able to appreciate that. Child's Play...

ADDENDUM: In the original post I didn't write this, but a very important factor is SPENDING POWER. Whites and Asians to a lesser extent have spending power. Having money is like having extra votes. You can propel a native son onto a national stage and beyond with your interest, approval, and money. Why do certain broadcasts pick certain stories for the 7 o'clock news? Ratings, advertisers, etc. Since when are people making advertising decisions to chase the Puerto Rican dollar? It's not fair but we have to realize THIS is why certain people are championed and others are not. Victor Cruz, you deserve better homie... America, STEP THE FUCK UP. Journalists/writers need to write what SHOULD be written, not just what they're incentivized to write. #NewsroomShit

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Eating Crow

The kid knows when he's wrong... A month ago, the homie Ben Detrick wrote this article. And you know what... he was right, D'Antoni was not the problem. Now that he found a point guard to run the pick-n-roll to death, he's assembled his type of squad. He has a Nash in Lin (although Nash is the much better shooter, ball handler, Lin is much stronger going to the rack), a Joe Johnson in JR Smith, a mini-Marion in Shumpert, a Quentin Richardson in Landry Fields, Amare is Amare, and Chandler is the bonus. I'm eating crow because I have not seen the Knicks play as a unit like they are the last two weeks. Lin is clearly the catalyst and the missing piece, but D'Antoni deserves some credit RIGHT NOW. Respect, coach...

For years, I've begged for "My Coach" back... Jeff Van Gundy. He might be the one person I liked more than Cam'ron and I own three copies of Killa Season. Although Van Gundy never won a championship, I could live with it because the Knicks gave 110% every night. That's all we ask for in NY because that's what we do day in and day out. No one goes harder than us and we expect the Knicks to do the same. D'Antoni and his offense were always viewed as "soft", but today, D'Antoni is MY COACH.

Melo simply wasn't gelling in D'Antoni's offense. I was a huge supporter of the Melo trade and I still don't believe it was a bad trade. If you look at it on paper, we got good value and every other team would make that deal for Melo. Gallinari is doing well but Felton got moved and Chandler's still a free agent. While Gallinari was a better fit with the Knicks, we made the trade because you can get guys like Gallinari. JR Smith may not play as under control and Novak actually has even worse feet than Gallo, but together, they fill that role. 6'9" 220lb dudes who can break Lebron James down off the dribble, bang the 3, post-up, and kill you softly from 18 feet out simply don't come around very often. Offensively, Melo is a freak.

For anyone who thinks we don't need Melo, watch the games, check the box scores. Lin has an enormous amount of turnovers. He is cheffin' but having Melo to take some of the scoring load off his shoulders will make him a more efficient player. Whether you guys want to admit it or not, there is ALWAYS a place on the team for a top-5 scorer in the league. Right now, we're exclusively a pick-n-roll team. Dallas had a great game plan trapping Lin at the wing and at the top of the key. When he saw it coming, he got the ball out to JR Smith or Novak, but imagine if that's fucking Melo out there! They trap Lin, then Melo gets to play 4 on 3, we're un fucking stoppable. Basketball is about spacing. That's what D'Antoni's offense is predicated on. All of this in an effort to create lanes for the point guard. Who better to create those lanes than Carmelo FUCKING Anthony?

We could be scoring 110 to 115 points a game, there are plenty of touches to go around. This isn't fantasy football, it's basketball. You don't need to keep track of touches, especially in a D'Antoni offense. It's the inverse of Communism. D'Antoni wants every one to buy in, just like communism, you play as a team, every one shares the ball, but here's the wrinkle. You shoot in 7 seconds or less so unlike Communism, there's actually enough to go around. Theoretically, we should be getting 3 times more possessions than any other team in basketball. If there was ever a team that didn't have to worry about Melo coming back and stealing touches, it's the Knicks.

Lin should still be the engine driving this offense. He is doing a great job reading the D, looking at the lanes, but if the defense is set to stop Lin, you spread Carmelo off weakside, so when the ball swings, Melo has an advantage. The ball moves faster than the man. Defenses physically can't set up to stop Lin, unless they are willing to spot Melo a first step against the weak side. Pick your poison. Lin makes the call and in many ways we become a basketball team running a zone read. I mean, the entire time we've been on this winning streak we've run one play: pick-n-roll. Now we have 2. Also, we have no post game, with Melo back, Lin-Melo or JR Smith/Novak - Melo can play inside out. This should all be happening weak side with Lin-Stat/Chandler pick-n-roll strong side. Right now, Lin's biggest problem is going left, but why bother? Latrell Sprewell had a career going right cause Allen Houston held him down on the weakside. Lin has Melo. LET'S FUCKING GO.

I'm proud of D'Antoni and the Knicks because every one is hitting the floor, diving for loose balls, playing help defense, and we haven't seen this for almost a decade. Props to Mike Woodson as well because it's not just effort. People know their rotations, we're creative with the defensive match-ups and we're being cerebral on defense. Instead of getting Chandler/Stat in foul trouble, we sacrificed Shumpert on Nowitzki early, then put a army of Small Forwards on him the rest of the game. Every one is willing because we're winning. These dudes are playing for each other and it's so fucking ill. It's on Melo to come back and fit in with this team. It's not Amare's team, it's not Melo's team, it's not Lin's team. This is D'Antoni's team. If we are going to keep this up, D'Antoni has his biggest challenge to date. Take the reins and insist that every man on this squad knows his role. But if we handle this correctly, I will tell you right now, it's Miami-New York in the Eastern Conference Finals for the Championship this Spring and once again... Tyson Chandler will be the difference. The team that plays as a unit and gets contributions from 1 to 12 will win and I guarantee its the Knicks this year. We're back yall...

Saturday, February 18, 2012


Yesterday Noisey ran this article about how JLIN7 loves christ and hates good music. Then, last night, our winning streak ends and Jeremy dribbles the ball off his foot mad times. For real, he looked like Antoine Walker throwing the ball out of bounds just for the fuck of it. I think this Christian music is to blame. That shit is not Lecrae! (credit: @itsthereal).

So, without any further ado, I present the mixtape THUG MOTIVATION JLIN7: No More Turnovers. After every Knick loss, tune in here for a playlist to motivate this fool, he needs it. All the gods are on this joint. Killa, C-Murda, UGK, Trick, even bitch ass nelly is on here with that tip drill motivation. We got the brother some crack music, some ass music, some spot rushin music, all that thug motivation, LETS GO! TM JLIN7 SNOW GO! #MSGdreams (I SEE U MERO)

For that thug motivation, click here

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Five Shawites Lin Needs to Yam It On

Now that our BOY is the most Linteresting man alive, I figured it was time to find him a shawty. My girl Elena said "I decided I'm gonna get born again so I can boo him up and miss of them tiger moms." Plus, I heard Kim Kardashian was trying to holla at the kid.

Yo, if you care about the Knicks, Taiwan, or General Tso's Chicken, you will KEEP KIM AWAY FROM LIN. Good luck finding any combo no5 if we all rioting cause Kim trying to put her stanky leg on Jeremy! That shit works on tofu, but not people: keep that rotten cabbage to yourself. Without any further ado, Five Shawites Lin Needs to Yam It On...

Vanessa Bryant

What better way to stunt on Kobe Bryant than to smash Miss Wasn't Shootin' In the Gym AND then spend Kobe's bread? Shawty got half! Let me hold somethin. Kobe is the most unlikeable athlete since the Russian from Rocky IV. Dudes don't like him, girls don't like him, his parents don't even like him, why else would they name him Kobe? That's some hateful shit to name your kid after a Japanese Steakhouse. That's like me naming my seed Outback.

The Mayo Jar Gripper

If only for this woman's superior genetics, Lin needs to dunk on this jump. I mean, PEEP GAME, shawty just swallowed a jar of mayo WITH HER A-S-S! Imagine what other talents she has. She might could swallow a basketball or make Lin a Vagina sombrero. He could just wear her on his head rollin' down Rivington St. going to the game from his brother's apartment.

Sarah Palin

Real talk, I prefer Lisa Ann to the original, BUT... Lin should hate smash Palin for what's she's done to us the last 4 years. She might be the only thing more evil than levamisole. Plus, Palin got pink nipples. Chinamen can't stay away from that crack. It calls us like "Careless Whispers" at karaoke. You try to find other songs, but that shit jumps out and attacks you all crazy like YOU WILL SING ABOUT THESE FEET THAT DONT DANCE RIGHT NOW SON. Lin would also be putting chlorine in the gene pool by giving her kids that can abacus, but won't trombone blow every dude with a pair of Bauers.

Chun Li

This would make Grandma Lin so happy. The question on every Taiwanese person over 50's mind is not how Jeremy will play, but whether he dates white women. Taiwanese Grandmas grip the shank every time some white woman interviews Jeremy Lin. He can't go the way of Bruce Lee or red pandas. They just don't make chinks like this anymore. Chun Li needs to wife him up. Even if he is runnin' around with the Mayo Jar chick on his head, he needs to come home to Chun Li, wear a v-neck, house sandals, and eat beef noodle soup. She'll have the keroppi toothbrush waiting for god.


COME ON! What Asian kid didn't want to wife Eve? She was on Ruff Ryders when Jin was there! For yall that weren't rockin with Planet Asia before Lin, it was Jin. Yea, I'm not kidding, it was that bad. We had no one on the squad besides Jin. The sad part is you know Jin never caught a whiff of shawty with Al Qaeda Jada and Styles trading off on Eve like

"Yea! In and out/back to back again..." - Styles
"The cocaine from spain, but the heroin is african..." - Jada

(That's how you make a Ruff Ryder sandwich.)

But when she wasn't giving lap dances in illadelph strip clubs or getting mashed out by D-Block, Eve was the HARDEST! Come on, she rocked prada suits and pushed the cadillac truck with her friends in the back. That's all anyone can ask for!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Pete, I got you Dun

Ayo Pete,

I like how you been comin' with the hammer son. HIT EM HIGH, HIT EM LOW, THEN ASK FOR MORE BREAD AND CHICKPEAS B. You got a little herky-jerky, Latrell Sprewell, stop-n-go, rhythm to your writing, but it's cool. Juelz made it pop for him so do you.

I see people hatin though. I held your boy Sam down back in the day and I got your blue print right here. You like Frank White fresh out the box, you already know. People don't like you shuttin' down the old 4-star hustle, they don't want to cut you in on dime bags in the park. They need to justify their prices and dining rooms. If some ho-hum I-talians in a deli can do work and serve food on the same level that hits the soul and not your Costanza wallet, people are gonna be aggy. You fuckin' with their money.

But do your thing. They can't touch you. They couldn't stop the No Limit Tank or the Cash Money Millionaires, now even Hov talkin' bout Baby Money. You are exactly right giving restaurants stars based on how YOU feel. You're a writer, not a pawn. Food writing SHOULD have personal elements and style. It's an art form and this is show business. The chefs and writers that refuse that truth are actually accepting defeat. Every one can cook now, the secret is out. So all you mother fuckers that have been eatin' off truffles and bottled water can come the fuck down from your pedestals and join the rest of us. We SHOULD be excited about restaurants, we SHOULD be championing the things we like, this is an adversarial system. You pick your squad and I'll pick mine. I'm sick and tired of writers trying to capture the objective, accepted, and majority opinion of other food writers. Yall are herbs anyway. Half you food writers wearin' skechers B. Step the fuck up. Why does anyone care what you guys think? DO YOU PETE.

And the next time someone has some shit to say about your reviews, you tell em to call Hov:

let me guess, they said it was money round here
and the rest is me stoppin you from gettin it, correct?
sorry to hear that, my guess is you got work at the hotel
i'll take care of that , you'll soon see, now please
give me the room key
you're twitchin, don't do that, you makin me nervous
my crew, well, they do pack, them niggas is murderous
so would ya, please put your hand back in sight
they don't like to see me nervous you can understand that, right?
you draw, better be picasso, y'know the best
cause if this is not so, ah, god bless
you leave me no choice, i'll leave you no voice
believe you me son i hate to do it just as bad as you hate to see it done
now calm your boys,
cause i'm findin it a little hard to concentrate with all the noise
get the point, i'll let ya go,
before ya leave,i guess i aughta let you know, i need those keys
and promise you never, no matter the weather
evaevaevaevaevaevaevaevaeva come around here no mo'


Sunday, February 12, 2012

Cookin with 'Dre

(photo credit: Stephane Feugere)

Thursday we cooked at the homie Andre' Saraiva spot, Le Baron, for Annabelle Dexter-Jones and Faith Connexion. The menu was

First Course

Taiwanese Black Chicken Soup with Lion's Head Meatball

Salt Fish Country Sausage Bao

Second Course

La Frieda Creekstone Ground Beef and Fennel Dumplings

Zha Jiang Mien

Third Course

Szechuan Peppercorn Roasted Chicken with Broccoli Rabe and X.O. Dried Scallop Fried Rice


Mantou and Longan Bread Pudding (I make the same dessert errytime cause the boy can't bake, ovens is for Jordans)

This was the Black Chicken, free range, native to Taiwan.

This was CHEF SEZ enjoying the Bao with Soup

This is Jeff breaking the Le Baron kitchen's cherry.

Roasted Chicken and Fried Rice

Fancy peoples eating

Some real sexy shawties


Nina Garcia was in the building. Bring Kors wit you next time, he funny.

Then I slid uptown to catch GHOST, RAE, and METH... It was a good day

Martin Greenfield

For all you TJ Max frequenting fools, let me introduce you to the one, the only, Martin Greenfield. Homie is a Holocaust Survivor amongst many other things and has owned his company in Brooklyn since 1977. He was doing personal fittings in the Ace Boardroom this weekend for Fashion Week and it was dope to meet the man who made over 200 of Patrick Ewing's suits. He had photos of Colin Powell and Obama but I was like, "Dun, I need that shit Ewing be wearing to Atlanta Gold."

I also schooled him on my own type of bespoke shit. AKA, that Chinatown Bootleg FENDIEE sweater. Then, I cop'd a suit with this Atlantic City themed lining in it:

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Baohaus is for the Children

So in between providing 24/7 coverage of Jeremy Lin, running miles in soft sand, and eating boxes of bullets, I taught kids how to make cold pressed juice. A few months ago, I went to the Eater Awards looking for _ _ _ (insert farm tool), but instead found a great non-profit: Wellness in the Schools (@WITSinschools and @This_isawkward). Pretty much the opposite of _ _ _, but equally important to society. I adopted P.S. 112 in Harlem because its near Original Patsy's and all the ill Cuchifritos.

Wellness is dope. I remember in high school all I ate were jamaican beef patties and 2% chocolate milk. If I got sick of beef patties, we ate Papa John's pizza. I blame Papa John's Pizza for making me skip school because I wanted to put on my Power Rangers Pajamas and go back to sleep after eating that stuff. Isn't that what you did when you skipped school?

Anyway, I figured the best way to get kids the nutrition they needed was cold pressed juice. If you use combinations like: Pineapple, Kale, Cucumber, Lime, and Ginger, it will get you most of the leafy green nutrients you need, vitamin c, bromelain, and immunity from the ginger. We have a huge problem with wellness in schools right now and if we could get programs like cold pressed juice into school, I think it'd severely decrease instances of childhood obesity, diabetes, etc. I urge companies like Norwalk, Omega, Champion, etc. to team up with schools, donate the equipment and let's get on our representatives to provide the funds to purchase fresh produce instead of canned juices, sodas, etc. The food revolution requires systematic change. Imagine this... Look how McDonald's changed the entire food system to service their restaurants and proliferate the most harmful unbanned substances we know. The only way to fight back is to create markets for new systemic change... stay with me.

The government would basically be subsidizing local farms by buying all produce for schools from within 150 miles. We wouldn't need to give tax breaks, money, etc. just BUY the things you would normally buy from local farms. Maybe there are organizational issues? Fine, form a union farmers, negotiate across the line prices, and make it easy for the government to patronize your establishments. Then, eliminate sugary drinks, sodas, etc. and make your own bottled cold pressed juice using machines that places like Norwalk, Omega, Champion donate. NOW, why would these people donate? BECAUSE, food is habit. If we get kids hooked on something good like cold pressed juice instead of four loko (that can had all the kids mesmerized), they will then integrate it into their lives outside of school. What better promotion for your juicers sold for personal consumption than every day use in schools. Guys, urban planning is not that difficult. DO THIS NOW.

While I sell pork belly baos for your enjoyment, I personally drink cold pressed juice twice a day. Food is cool, it's definitely important to eat for pleasure, but equally to balance it out. We make cold pressed ginger soda at Baohaus cause that's what I drink when I'm under the weather. Fresh ginger juice, mixed with a little rock candy is better than emer-gen-c. Hopefully, if we get more space, we can do other juices too but Mama didn't raise no fool. Yall don't love me for my tiger style or my cold pressed juice, you just want my pork buns... It's cool, I still love u...

Taiwanese Tebow

Yo, before all yall got on the bandwagon I BEEN following Lin since Harvard, since he boogied on John Wall, and every time he was a free agent I prayed to all my village ancestors that the Taiwanese Tebow would come to NY. I seen it like a zenith. RESPECT MY MIND. I'm talkin to you @howardbeckNYT NYT Article

Les Carpenter - Yahoo Article


Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Thank You, Jeremy Lin

There are three magazine covers I'll always remember. AI with the blow out and retro sixers jersey on the cover of SLAM (what up @microtony), Obama on the cover of Newsweek December 2006, and Yao on the cover of ESPN in 2000. I still remember the day I got it in the mail... Thoughts rushed through my head. Was ESPN gonna give him props or were they going to reveal he was a genetically engineered government project with fake papers, Pekingese Potstickers, and an affinity for lead based bubble tea?

If it were up to me, Yao would have had neck tattoos, nike boots, and a harem of shawties from 2 Fast 2 Furious throwing lotus leaves on the ground every where he walked. It wasn't meant to be, but Jeff Van Gundy and I couldn't have asked for more. Yao exceeded every one's expectations, not just as a role model for Planet Asia, but as a figure who's integrity transcended values particular to ethnicity. In any language, culture, or creed, Yao Ming was an exceptional human being; we were just lucky to call him ours. Yao was the most influential Asian in America since Bruce Lee who schooled Jabbar, married a White woman, and kicked the shit out of Chuck Norris.

Bruce was the hardest Asian we've seen in America. He was threatening, defiant, and somehow got brothers in Harlem to rock cotton shoes for most of the 70s. I mean, son did so many dips that he literally looked like a flying squirrel with slanted eyes.

If you go to China or ask the Hoyas, they'll tell you, Bruce Lee wasn't something they hadn't seen. There were Kung-Fu masters before, during, and after Bruce's reign, but he benefitted from Hollywood like Jordan capitalized on the cable era. Bruce was an imported archetype that got injected into America's DNA and we loved him for it.

As a kid who spent Middle School downloading .gifs from AOL chat rooms onto 3.5" diskettes and selling them for $5 to kids under the thumb of parent controls, I was more Larry Flynt than Yao Ming. Yao was the anti-Bruce Lee: an obedient, loyal, 7'6" company man in a league grappling with free agency and NBA wives. What's more Asian than that? Yao didn't break a single stereotype, he perpetuated all of them, but surprisingly... I wasn't mad. For the first time in my life, Yao made me proud of the way my parents raised me. I always thought they were archaic, old fashioned, and stubborn, but Yao was a living, breathing, example of the kind of person our parents wanted us to be. And you know what, that mother fucker was ill. If I had half the balls Yao did, I'd be him too but instead, I'm a irreverent, lazy, loud mouthed, chinkstronaut who justifies his existence by sending Judith Lieber bags home to my Mom. Hey, if it was good enough for the gold rush FOBs, it's good enough for me. #GoldenMountain

Yao was the rare individual that still believed in Confucius' China. In China these days, you see the angst, the rebellion, and the Kobe Bryant jerseys. People rep AI, Kobe, and now Starbury. Since Tank Man stood against the country in 1989, few of us could honestly defend China with a straight face. For years, it felt like there was a weekly article attacking Chinese in America, Chinese in Detroit, or Chinese in China. We couldn't just be smart, it had to be the green tea. Every job we took at Ford was a job we stole from Americans. China couldn't industrialize like the West because the West already destroyed the environment and wanted to tell China how to do it this time around. I remember being in class trying to find any semblance of reason in China's Tibet policy, but knowing deep down that there was no way to defend the country. Why was I anyway? My parents were born in Taiwan.

I defended China because no one at the basketball court ever called me "Taiwanese", they called me a "chink". I was Chinese whether I liked it or not. In America, it really doesn't matter if you think you're Taiwanese, Colombian, Peruvian, Dominican, Vietnamese, Korean, or Japanese: we're all chinks and Mexicans to the untrained eye. I had no choice or way to reason because there were no examples outside Bruce, Yao, Long Duck Dong, and William Hung. Chun-Li and Raiden were dope, but they existed only in 64-bit fantasy worlds where we can take down giant Russians like Zangieff with blue fireballs. This is the Chinese American landscape because they are the only archetypes America has seen.

Then this came along: Jeremy mother fuckin' Lin. For 29 years, I've been waiting to see a Chinaman on television that speaks English with some cot damn bass. He's not some uncoordinated, slow footed, giant in the style of Yao, Wang, or Mengke Bateer, who I swear must be Mongolian. Watching him drop 28 and 8, you can't believe it's happening. His teammates are stuck between cheering and laughing. He's not leaping over cars like Blake Griffin or wetting people from the volleyball line like Ray Allen, he's playing under the rim, 18 ft and in, just like every one else at the YMCA. Lin plays like a slower, shorter, Manu Ginobili splitting double-teams like a yard sale flailing arms and legs to get the And-1 calls. He celebrates, he drinks gatorade, and he crashes on his friend, Landry Fields', couch. Shit, he might have even gone to Prom! Jeremy Lin is for all intensive purposes: normal...

It doesn't matter that Lin doesn't have a jumper, loves Jesus, or has that strange country twang to his words. He's just like you, he's a little like me, but most importantly he proves we're not all from another planet without google, facebook, or properly spelled bathroom signage. Some of us were born right fucking here and have nothing to do with things like this:

He may not realize it, but by not claiming "Chineseness" or embracing his rabid Asian fan base, he is doing more for us than anyone at this moment can. Jeremy Lin might be the first normal Asian America has seen and it's fucking great. He's not famous because he ran around with a rice pecker in the Hangover. He's not famous because Ari treats him like a Eunuch. Nor is he famous for singing "She Bangs". He doesn't have to act a fool to get on TV because he balls so hard mother fuckers can't find him. Lin is saving the Knicks with super-human play, but he's dispelling myths about Asian America by being otherwise hyper-normal and I thank him. He doesn't have a duty to embrace Asian America, speak for Asian America, or represent Asian America because right now he IS Asian America. Go to Church, drink that blue shit, but don't you ever, ever, ever, stop being the normal-ass Taiwanese-American you are.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Are you ready?


Bad Girls

Fuck with it.