Sunday, February 7, 2010
Places that suck
There are very few places that suck so bad I will put them on blast, but these restaurants upset me so much because they parade around like they offer quality products, but they have to know their food sucks. These are the restaurants/people that perpetuate shitty stereotypes and make restaurant owners look bad.
1) Rickshaw Dumplings - you can tell this was the brain child of some scheming b-school grad. The dumplings are horrible and the kitschy Chinese branding is offensive. I'm not even going to break down why the dumplings are so bad because we'll be here forever. Watching Anita Lo teach Bobby Flay how to make dumplings made me not want to be Asian or at least excommunicate Anita Lo from the tribe. Bitch, you're fired.
2) Baoguette/Pho Sure/and all the other shitty spin-offs - There's no balance of flavor with Bao's sandwiches. They're all either too salty, too one-note spicy, or too one-note sweet. I hate using big vocab words, but you always get palette fatigue eating this guy's food. And the corny show he put on at the Mikey's Opening teaching people how to flip burgers was retarded. We know how to flip a burger, but do you know how to make a real pho? All you taste is anise in this dude's broth.
3) Joe's Shanghai - these soup dumplings are horrible. dark, salty, unrefined soup dumpling gelatin. people like them simply because soup dumplings are the shit and most people have their first soup dumpling at this hell hole. put one of joe's shanghai dumplings next to one from nanxiang xiao long bao and taste the difference yourself.
4) Rice - this place is just stupid. the combinations don't sound good on paper, taste good in practice, and should never be replicated again. the focus of the restaurant is to sell gimmicky fusion pairings from different regions instead of focusing on delivering honest food that is fused simply to taste good.
5) Republic - this place is always packed and it is hilarious to hear the union square lunch crowd rave about it. i can understand if you got dragged there by some B&T girl/guy you want to smash, but otherwise you have no excuse to be there.
6) Wo Hop/Hop Kee - people, stop acting like this place is good. Yes, I eat here late night. Yes, Bourdain came here with some fool, but the food sucks. Its only cool cause its open late and fun to watch drunk people fall down the stairs. The food is so bad I've refused it after taking giant rips of headband. That never happens.
I'm tired, this list is constantly growing. Please feel free to add your own horrible restaurants.