Monday, October 8, 2012

Fresh Off the Boat

We made it y'all. From Hunan to Taipei to DC to Orlando to Pittsburgh to New York we mother fucking HERE NOW.

It took 2 years and change but we got off that other label and Vice set the kid free. There are no producers on this show telling me to lift that lid again, take another bite, really mean it when you bite it and tell the viewers how good it is even though it blatantly tastes like a rotten Haight Street Birkenstock.

Eddy Moretti showed me the Underground Smell Road, teamed me with this Indian fool rocking a nose ring and a murse, but it fucking worked. Like Zab Judah once said about Don King "He, he... he my sunshine."

We like Nick Nolte and Eddie Murphy, LILO and Stitch, Harold and a really 'mo Kumar. One time for the Pretty Indian... Over the next 18 weeks we're bringing you racial, cultural, and wild boy commentary through food.

You'll see squid grilled curbside in the Mission, we'll almost Dick Cheney a guest because I tripped with a shotgun, we'll meet the intercontinental soy milk champ, WB dance with the Kid Mero, but most importantly you will hear voices in places that have long gone ignored. We aren't putting people on the show because of who they know or what they look like. The voices will be raw, uncut, and there for you to agree, disagree, love and hate. I don't even like some of the guests, but that's the point. Every one gets to jump on the track. We want you to engage. We want you to think and we want you to question the way things are framed in the world.

People say the game is to be sold, not to be told; but Vice paid the cost the day they made you boss. Because you watch videos of Kara Crabb cooking vaginal discharge, a business like this lives to spit the real. The magazine, the show, the knowledge, it's paid in full because of y'all. Keep bangin'.

Peace to the Internet gods because this doesn't happen anywhere else. All respect paid to Velona and Jan for finessing all the dramatic angles. #A-Team #LordFinesse #MedicatedKid. Y'all kept me hyped, medicated, and inspired. Shouts to Caroline and Charlie for making sure this shit burns the way it should. One time for Rory, Jarad, Chloe, PATEL (formerly of the A-Team, now on Team Tom Timberlake), Alex, Mike D, Kate B, and Juliette. The Taiwanese Fixer Gods: George and Brian. Lutzky, don't get punched in the face before episode 2. Thanks to Mom an Dad for not using condoms. I'm Out Here. You Out Here. Vice killed the Food Network Star... Lame ninjas be quiet, the chinkstronaut has landed.