Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Me & Scalia Down By the Police Station

I have never, ever, ever in my entire life cheered for Reggie Miller, enjoyed an Incubus song, or agreed with Justice Antonin Scalia. Reading cases as a Cardozo student at the Innocence Project, I frequently thought about sewing Scalia's bunghole closed and then feeding him copies of the Bush v. Gore decision until he pooped recycled paper through his nose. Son is constantly justifying decisions by looking at his stupid WWFFD (What Would Founding Fathers Do) friendship bracelet, but fuck my life sideways in the ear with Monsanto Corn because I finally agree with him today regarding Maryland v. King...

This is a CRIMINAL PROCEDURE case weighing the public benefit of solving cold cases vs. your constitutional 4th amendment rights guarding against search and seizure. We all want cold cases solved, but at what cost to society and your individual rights? This isn't just swabbing your cheek. This decision is saying that without a warrant, without a conviction, and merely probable cause for a felony arrest that the government can take my genetic blueprint and put it in a database. Justice Kennedy kept talking about how a DNA swab is like finger printing, how it can be used to identify the person in question at the station, and without even addressing how ridiculous that notion is considering that it takes months to upload DNA evidence to a database; let's address another one of his "notions" i.e. the practicalities of law enforcement today.

Doggy, I'ma tell you about the PRACTICALITIES OF OUR GOVERNMENT. Over the weekend, someone stole the letter grade off the door of Baohaus. So, Evan went down to the DOH to get another letter grade to post. You know what they told us after waiting for 3 hours? "We looked all over but we can't find the box with the letter grades right now." THESE MOTHER FUCKERS CAN'T PROPERLY LABEL AND STORE LETTER GRADES FOR RESTAURANTS! We're supposed to trust them with our DNA? FUCK OUTTA HERE!!! My DNA is gonna end up on World Star and not because I threw a milkshake on the screen watching TWERK FAILS but because of GOVERNMENT FAIL.