RE: NYT PETER LUGER'S REVIEW

Dear Pete,

I learned from the Sopranos that it’s always paramount to establish respect before saying “with all due disrespect”. You, AO Scott, Emily Nussbaum, Jerry Saltz, Jon Caramanica (when he’s not Stan-ing for Drake or Sound Cloud rap lol), and Dwight Garner, are the only critics I read… RIP Michiko. If you can get Sam to stop writing recipes, I’d love to see him live podcast the Democratic debates. 

But with all due respect… Peter Luger’s is the greatest steakhouse in the world bar none. When I stopped eating beef, there were three things I made sure to eat: Oxtail at Islands in Crown Heights, Taiwanese beef noodle soup at home, and Peter Luger’s steak. My last visit was the first week of August and it was just as good as it was the first time I went in 2004.

So I re-read this review three times and I’m convinced of three things:

1. The real Pete Wells is tied up in a Brooklyn basement and we must save him.
2. Russians wrote this review.
3. Sam let this review go because of growing anti-beef trends, which I support.

If this is an attack on the beef industry, fine, but an attack on the institution, the salad, and the style of service is insane. I love an iconoclast, which is why I love the reviews you do three times a year that are an indictment of the direction food culture is going as much as it is an indictment of a restaurant, but this is a stray shot. This is like leaving a yelp review in 2019 about the service at Supreme in 2005. THAT IS THE FUCKING BRAND. 

Why are you feigning ignorance about NY service standards? It’s “howyadoin,” “cash only,” “no returns, next.” Friends/family skip the line and if you don’t like it get the fuck out. Find your family and if you want better service or return policies, buy things on Far Fetch, increase carbon footprints, and watch the world burn in Palm Angels tracksuits by 2030 or whenever they say we are all going to die of contemporary men’s fashion now. 

If anything we need MORE Peter Luger’s, more 2005 Supreme, more Great NY Noodletown. That’s what’s dying in New York! Every thing that has a singular confident identity anchored in local community and beliefs is being displaced by overly calculated/curated experiences that feel like algorithms trying to draw the greatest number of followers. Downtown is now this monolithic thing that looks the same from NY to Mexico City to Istanbul to London to Paris to Shanghai to wherever because every one thinks there is a way with enough numbers and research to appeal to every one like an iPhone. 

The reason an iPhone or an iPad or an iMac works is because you only need one every 3 years. You aren’t eating three iPhones a day or wearing 7 pairs of iUnderwears a week. You make a choice once every three years: is it more important to save money or not be laughed at for sending green texts? Not every thing is that simple or sterile. At least not yet…

My Dad used to say, “People eat with their eyes. They look at a plate and decide whether it tastes good or not.” Now a days with sea levels rising, the water’s edge for judgment has reached the front door. People are eating font type. They’ve already decided by looking at the font type and Pantone colors of your restaurant whether it’s good or not. You put two colors of chili in a line on fish and it’s a fucking hit. Shouts to Contramar and shouts to the people in Hunan who have been putting two colors of fermented chili on fish heads for a thousand years, but every one else can die under the sea. IT’S BEEN DONE. WHY DOES YOUR FISH LOOK LIKE CHA CHA MATCHA?

Restaurants are all about the scene, the crowd, the design, the “chef”, while Peter Luger’s is about community. Yes, it’s fucking expensive. Yes, they push around new people. But just like Rao’s, just like Supreme, just like the old Union on Spring Street, just like Noodletown, if you are local, if you go a lot, people remember your name, they’ll save you a t shirt, they’ll save you a table, they’ll save you some suckling pig, and they’ll throw a little extra steak in your doggy bag. And this happened to me at these spots when I was broke selling t-shirts on a train. I still remember the people that held me down, made me feel part of the family, and stiff armed the posers and tourists and toys. That’s why we rep Peter Luger’s so fucking hard. It’s not just a place for old guys and rich people with the Peter Luger card; it’s aspirational. 

Go watch the Ralph documentary and listen to why every one aspired to the life style. Peter Luger’s is the Ralph Lauren of steakhouses. This is the shit we aspired to. When my boy Quddus came into town with Sean Paul, we wore our Lo, we took him to Luger’s and we felt like we made it. Luger’s has been making people feel this way for 100 years and its why people still aspire to go. 5 years ago, I took two bags of steak to the club with Brian Procell and we held it up like the Larry O’Brien Trophy cause every one else could cop bottles but we had Peter Luger’s. We wouldn’t do that with any other food item besides maybe the Hennessy Wings from Dallas BBQs.

And this isn’t copping out on the food. The first time I went to Luger’s and got the check, I definitely did a double take. I considered whether the food was worth it, I wondered if I should have bypassed the German Hash since I’d be paying interest on it for the next three months of Chase Sapphire bills, but when I woke up for three days straight thinking about beef fat and potatoes, I knew I did the right thing. 

There are very few restaurants you don’t need a menu at, but go to Luger’s and see how many people need menus. The ones with menus will complain, they’ll leave yelp reviews, and they’ll order Sole (which I agree is good and what I will be going back for now that I don’t eat beef). The ones without menus say a few words: steak for four, tomato onion salad, bacon for four, German hash, and creamed spinach. They don’t dip the steak in the sauce, they know why one side is seared hard, and the other is butter soft. They’ll take their partners, their parents, their best friends, and their grand kids. They’ll die dreaming of beef fat and potatoes as the world burns or sinks under water. And guess what, so will the people you see with menus today… 

I HATE YOU BILL O'REILLY!

Nothing gets me more upset than people like Bill O'Reilly trying to play Blacks/Latinos/andAsians against each other... If you haven't heard the segment, Buzzfeed has an ill recap. But, I just want to put a few FACTS out there for this mouth breather and anyone else who tries to dispel white privilege by playing Asians against Blacks. Without even addressing the fact that privilege can't be defined solely by median income, graduation rates, single parent homes, and unemployment. Privilege rears its head at the bar, at central booking, on OKCupid, etc. White privilege permeates every single layer of American life. I'm gonna spot this biscuit 10 points and assume that you can define it with these identifiers because... as a person of color in this country, that's how we do. We spot you 10 points and THEN yam it on you. If you never read Mcintosh or heard of the invisible knapsack, peep game.

But here we go, if O'Reilly is intent on playing the barbarians against themselves, here are my reasons why I refuse, why you can't, and why this isn't even a logical conversation to be having. To take certain aspects of Asian American "success" in the eyes of dominant culture and compare them to African American progress in those same fields has NOTHING to do with white privilege. It is actually further evidence of white privilege that the conversation is even framed this way on AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE CABLE NEWS SHOW.

1) Asians were never enslaved ... besides internment camps. Let's just get that out of the way, unpack that on your own time, you don't need me for that.

2) Asians have history. Many of us can trace our families back to China, Japan, Korea, Taiwan, Vietnam, Thailand, Sanrio, etc. and we're connected. SLAVERY BROKE THE BRIDGE TO HISTORY. Imagine living without knowing your history, your language, your culture, and YOUR FAMILY. This is like comparing unseasoned chicken to brined chicken naw mean? Through SLAVERY, blacks were torn from their families, their homes, their countries, and forced to create new ones. Even when they did start new ones in America, they were still torn apart, re-sold, and forced back down to zero like they got tipped in playing Utah (21 in Brooklyn).

3) Asians are NEW SERFS to the matrix. Many asians are first and 2nd generation in this country and coming over daily. My parents faced hardships as adults, but they didn't get exposed to the systematic cultural conditioning and discrimination that you face as a person of color growing up in this country. They know who they are, they have their identities, and their self-confidence was fostered in an environment where being Chinese didn't automatically mean you were going to get dunked in the trash can after school.

When my Dad read my book, he had no idea that I had been forced to use my right hand, forced to eat soap for not believing in Jesus, held out of class until I let Jesus into my heart, and told to sit in the back of the class, be quiet, and do math like the other Asian kids. This all happened to me. This probably happens to all people of color in America in some way, shape or form. We are the other and it is made very clear to us early on.

If you compare fresh off the boat first generation Asians to 2nd or 3rd generation Asians that grew up in America like myself, Jin, Cory at MSC, or any other kid at the Polo Store, we kinda look like lost members of the Wu-Tang. Dudes that were on the Killa Bees album or feature on Cilvaringz tracks. We see how we are viewed in the American matrix and assimilate "downwards" because the other team never wanted us. We engage African America and its value system because it's the number one contender to THE MAN. It is the community that has laid the foundation for a lot of our issues and there is common ground. We are not the same, we won't ever be the same, nor would that be productive, but there is solidarity because we all get played. Being black and "blackness" are two different concepts and while this is again a concept that is too big to unpack for a Chinaman on blogspot, what I'm saying is that there is solidarity amongst 2nd/3rd generation Asians and African Americans who find themselves under the thumb of dominant culture. This is a result of conditioning and cultural scarcity (lack of communities to turn to) so when you try to compare Asians to Blacks look to 2nd and 3rd generation Asians, you'll find a lot of unemployed drop outs in single family homes.

Further, if you go watch any documentary about China such as Up the Yangtze or Heavyweight, you'll see Chinese families pulling their kids out of school to work the land, work construction jobs, and work on cruise ships. It's a necessity for poor Chinese families, poor Native American families on reservations, or poor black families. There is not a race or culture or gene that selects for and promotes being unemployed or uneducated. That's fucking ridiculous.

4) WE ALL WANT TO BE EDUCATED. Why do people like me or Dead Prez or the founders of Skillshare eschew "schools"? Are we against education? Absolutely not. But if you've gone through the American school system, read the MAN's history, then get hit upside the head with Howard Zinn's People's History of the United States of America in 10th grade, you feel lied to. When you see Michael Brown shot dead and then Bill O'Reilly on Fox 2 weeks later claiming that white privilege is a myth, you KNOW you are being lied to. So why would you go back to learn from these mother fuckers? Why would you trust them to educate you? You don't, so you try to learn on your own, but ain't nobody handing out GEDs for writing book reports on videos we watch on World Star even if I can break down all three acts and identify elements of Greek Tragedy in the YG "Bicken Back Bein Bool" video.

5) To make money, we usually have to sell our souls. To join the corporate white shoe world, we have to basically forgive the fact that we've woken up every day of our lives spotting the other side 10 points. I find it hard to do as an Asian American but IMAGINE how hard it is as an African American to go through high school, college, law school, get a job at a top 50 firm and then be told that you need to change your appearance, not shape up your hair, and be constantly reminded that you speak well? I have no idea. I will never know because I'm not black, but ALL of these things happened to me and I'M FUCKING CHINESE. Nobody watches the end of Braveheart wanting William Wallace to sell out and bow to England, so WHY do we expect people of color to do it in America EVERY DAY?

Lastly, this isn't to say that I agree with not going to school or not working corporate. I did it. I have a JD, I worked at a top 50 firm, and I'm glad I did. I learned a lot, but I swallowed my pride every day and felt like a sell out. Whether that's logical or not, it's how I felt. I went to school with people that walked, talked, and looked like the people who shit on me all through my adolescent years. I'd sit in class listening to them claim that we didn't need Affirmative Action... ESPECIALLY FOR ASIANS. I'd sit in class listening to them defend case law that denied equal opportunity for gay people seeking employment in Colorado. I did it so that I could learn because Kumon Math and Ranch Market 99 unfortunately do not offer courses on jurisprudence.

Bill O'Reilly, to be as privileged as you are and use your platform during this critical time in American history to kick black people when they're down is disgusting. And I know that if you were able to do to black people what you did to Native Americans, what you're doing to Mexicans, I know that Asians would be next. You're just going down the aisle, checking items off your grocery list, denting all the cans in the ethnic food aisle. I SEE YOU DOGGY. So FUCK YOU and FUCK FOX NEWS.

NY Portals

Well, this is how we started wasn't it?

For free.

On blogspot.

Web 1.0.

I owe a lot to the internet. I won my first March Madness pool as a kid reading The Sporting News for free online. I saw a photoshopped naked Daisy Fuentes in an AOL Chat Room thanks to the internet. And I bought my first plane ticket to New York using the internet...

But this week, I'm leaving. By 6pm Friday, I'll be living in Venice. I've been really fucking angry about leaving for a few weeks now but I woke up today and finally realized why...

I got an email from Kim's Video announcing a closing sale. For those that live in the city and run around downtown, you know that Kim's is one of the last remaining landmarks of the East Village. It is the CBGB's of video stores. The Mecca of Clerks. The Sultan of Cult. When I came to the city 109 months ago, I had no idea what Glenn O'Brien's TV Party or High School by Frederick Wiseman were, but Kim's put me on. I browsed the aisles, talked to the people, and got put on to sub culture I never knew existed. Most of my life, I'd been seeing things that the matrix allowed me to see. The things that studios had the money to put in front of a kid growing up in Orlando, Florida. Kim's was the antithesis and stood for every thing democracy should be but isn't.

At Kim's every film was represented. If you wanted Michael Bay films, they had a section, but so did Frederick Wiseman, Werner Herzog, and Maya Deren. There were signs pointing to employee favorites, cult films, German Cinema, East Asian Cinema, every thing screaming at you to get weird and give it a chance. I imagined each of these directors like neighborhoods being subsidized by Kim's. In the outside world, none of them had a chance in today's globalized capitalism, but at Kim's with the right curation, affirmative action, and cultural welfare they got the attention they deserved. I walked in as a kid that got lost after buying a hetzi-hetzi (half and half falafel/shwarma) at Mahmoun's down the street with no idea what I was walking into, but democracy in the form of Kim's worked. Every employee had a different opinion, they lobbied for different films, but inevitably with the wealth of information and guidance I made my own informed decisions. After much deliberation, the first film I ever bought at Kim's was Black Orientations starring Avena Lee and Nautica Thorn. Clearly, this choice was evidence that the education gap between Orlando and the East Village was a chasm one visit to Kim's couldn't cross.

But eventually, with a lot of hard work and several visits to Kim's a bridge was built. I actually listened to the clerks and paid attention to the signs and symbols. I resisted going past the red curtain and started buying films intended for viewing without a sock on your penis. The movies were just the beginning because a lot of the cultures and scenes depicted were right here in the city. As I walked around, I recognized certain landmarks, stores, restaurants, streets, and even people. The films opened up worlds to me that I dove into further and further until I forgot how I even got there. 9 years later, I look back and realize that Kim's was this portal into New York City I never came back from. Every thing in my life, I can somehow attribute to finding Kim's, but the saddest part is that this portal is closing.

I know that as one portal closes, another one opens and that the weirdos in the matrix will constantly create new rabbit holes, but we have to remember the things that got us here. I'm sure there are thousands of kids like me that stumbled into Kim's and never came back. That can't even remember who they were before encountering that store and the things that it represented. Whether it was Kim's or Amoeba or Burkina, these stores changed people's lives because they provided the first moments where things felt real. We saw works that were raw, irreverent, and untouched by the matrix. They were stores that dedicated themselves to representing the cultures forgotten by capitalism because most stores understand it's easier to sell you the high fructose nutrient vortex bull shit you already want. They preach to the choir and don't make it their job to educate you. They feed you the best marketed soma at the lowest possible price until it fucking kills you and every thing you care about. #Poison

What's most upsetting about leaving the city is that I won't be around to defend it. When you love something as much as I love the city, you want to be there when it needs you. And frankly the city needs all of us right now. (The only reason I agreed to leave is because hopefully I can do something by being on the other side debating the dominant culture that put us in this predicament, but I don't want to talk about my project. This post is all about the city.) It's constantly under attack and none of our blocks look the same day to day. Every where I look, scaffoldings stare at me like the plague descending on the city that made me who I am. I've thought about this a long time and there are three things that I believe we can do.

1) SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL BUSINESS - fuck internet business. I've been guilty of this as well and I have gone to Kim's, looked at videos, and bought them cheaper on the internet but I stopped years ago. You have to pay respects to the businesses that put you on and serve as ambassadors of culture and the neighborhood. Pay the extra couple bucks because once we give our neighborhoods up to the internet, we'll never get them back. Slowly, the internet has turned the entire world into one giant Walmart that sacrifices every thing for falling prices. Conscious consumption is one of our last tools because god knows $ spent at the right place counts more than a vote these days. Nothing is free and if you like something pay for it cause other wise it'll be gone.

2) BUILD YOUR OWN PORTALS - if you don't like the shit businesses in your neighborhood, do something about it. Represent for your culture through commerce. There is a difference between commodifying or appropriating a culture and making it viable. Being viable in the market place allows your culture to survive in 2014. You can absolutely make your voice valuable without compromising it. That's one of the biggest problems with counter culture is this belief that getting big is selling out. It's not. You can absolutely grow with the ideals you came with if you fight the vultures every single day. It's harder, but its necessary.

3) STOP BEING IRONIC NIHILISTS - If you walk around with your eyes open, there's a lot to be upset about, but we can't be nihilists about it forever. Yes, I feel like we are powerless at times and left with the proverbial bag here, but it's not over. THE JEDI WILL RETURN MOTHER FUCKERS. But it starts with us and it sounds cheesy but if you see wack mother fuckers supporting Walmart, AMC, or McDonald's say something. Support the independent theatres, shows, and venues. It's not fucking funny to eat McRibs even though I post it on my IG when it returns, I don't actually eat it but I promise this year to not ironically promote the return of the McRib because genetically engineered water added rib meat is going to kill all of us.

Don't cry for me Argentina. Just consider this my White Men Can't Jump moment where the city lent Rosie Perez to Venice. JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE UR BOY WILL COME BACK LIKE THE 18TH LETTER... BAOHAUS LIVES

MONICA MONROE

I STARTED THIS LINE MONICA MONROE FEATURING VERSATILE FABRICS FOR SAVAGE MEN TRYIN TO SPREAD BENIGN HPV. MY INSPIRATION FOR THE LINE IS THAT PEOPLE ARE SO INDISCRIMINATE WHEN TALKING ABOUT HPV. THEY SO RECKLESS LIKE "HPV CAUSES CANCER". NO IT DOESN'T. MY PARTICULAR BRAND OF HPV IS ETHEREAL LIKE ROSE WATER. SO I DESIGNED A LOT OF CLOTHES THAT I WOULD WEAR ON DATES WITH WOMEN I FEEL ARE CONNOISSEURS OF HPV LIKE PEG BUNDY, FRAN DRESCHER, SUZANNE SOMMERS FROM STEP BY STEP, MONICA LEWINSKY, MARILYN MONROE, AND ROBIN GIVENS, UNIVERSALLY KNOWN AS THE FOREMOST EXPERT ON BENIGN HPV STRAINS. SHE LIKE THE WINE SPECTATOR OF BENIGN HPV... YEA, YEA, THAT'S 99 POINTS RIGHT 'CHERE. I SEEN HER WALK OUTTA THE FOREST AT A BBQ ONCE AND WAS LIKE "I DETECT HICKORY, DICKORY, DOCK. THAT HPV WAS SLAMMIN."

RIGHT NOW WE ARE TRYING TO GET THESE VERSATILE FABRICS INTO ROSS, BUT THEY BE HATIN CAUSE TOO MANY TAIWANESE PEOPLE MAKE CLOTHES RIGHT NOW. THEY SAID I SHOULD HOLLER AT TJ MAX, BUT I WAS LIKE, YO, HOV DEADED TJ MAX WITH 3 KINGS. HOPEFULLY IF ENOUGH OF YOU NINJAS ASK FOR MONICA MONROE AT ROSS, MY DREAMS WILL COME TRUE. I'M JUST A SQUIRREL IN THIS WORLD TRYNA DESIGN CLOTHES FOR IDEAL MEN LIKE AL BUNDY, FLAMA BLANCA, THE DUDE, AND GRIMACE FROM MCDONALD'S. I WOULD LOVE TO DRESS GRIMACE FROM MCDONALD'S. HIS SKIN TONE IS PERFECT FOR 3-WAY STRETCH SPANDEX SNAKESKIN. EGGPLANT IS THE NEW BLACK MOTHER FUCKERS.

WITHOUT ANY FURTHER ADO ABOUT MY DREAMS AND AMBITIONS. HERE IS THE MONICA MONROE SPRING 2014 LOOKBOOK FEATURING FAT JEW, MIKAELA WILLIE, ZEREN LONDAH, AND JR ALBA. IT WAS SHOT BY THE GORGEOUS JON SNYDER. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND JON SNYDER PHOTOGRAPHY. HE HAS CHANGED MY ENTIRE OPINION OF PHOTOGRAPHY, FASHION, WHITE PEOPLE, AND PORTLAND. NOT PORTLAND, OREGON, BUT PORTLAND, MAINE. IT'S DEFINITELY THE BETTER PORTLAND.

LOOK AT THIS SCRUMPTIOUS GENTLEMAN DRESSED LIKE HOBBES

CIARA "RIDE" THE REMIX

YEA, YEA, JUST LIKE THAT BEATLES SONG HE WANNA HOLD UR HAND BOO

DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN

MY PHONE DIRTY, MY BALLS CLEAN, IM BOWLIN DIRTY, BUT HPV CLEAN

WHAT UP JR AND ZEREN FROM BAOHAUS!

AMURRICA, BACK 2 BACK CHAMPS

ZEREN GOT BEAUTIFUL HANDS. ROB RYAN TRIED TO MAKE VIDEOS OF THEM.

JESUS BOWLS! JESUS BOWLS WITH ME, WITH ME, WITH ME!

OOOoooOOOO KILL EM

FOR THIS PHOTO WE TOLD THE KING OF BRUNCH TO ACK LIKE HE JUST TOUCHED SOME KID'S GOODIES AND HE WAS LIKE "YOU WANT THAT SENSE MEMORY FLOW?" AND THEN HE GAVE US STATUTORY STEEL. DUDE IS A FUCKING MAESTRO WITH THE PEDOPHILE SENSE MEMORY.

WHAT IT DO?

I have neglected this blog for a minute, but sometimes it's the right place at the right time.

There's a lot of things I want to address on Fresh Off the Boat, but because it's a short format video, the issues we take on leak over sometimes. We did our best this episode and I'm happy, but I wanted to hit on a few things in case they don't come clear. I mean, it's thanksgiving, make sure the juice runs clear.

When we were in Russia, I couldn't hear what the guests were saying on the side when I was eating hot dogs, drinking vodka, or hanging with Philochko. People will smile to your face, play along, and put on a show when cameras are out. That's what we try not to show you. We would never waste your time on an act. Yet, we almost got caught this time. The "actors" in part 1 of Moscow were really good, but the GOD Christopher Velona had the audio rolling and it opened our eyes.

It was one of the first times we got back in the edit, saw footage and then had fundamental changes in how we viewed the trip. When I heard what they were saying on the hot mic, I couldn't let it go. The shit they were saying about Philochko was that insidious racism that you hear at house parties, "amongst friends", or in locker rooms. That bullshit that people think is OK, but it's not. We usually are very courteous to guests and make sure to represent their views unadulterated and as they see it. We are there to capture their perspective, but this time it didn't match up. The things they told us about themselves and their country could not be reconciled with the things they said to each other when they were off camera and I chose not to protect them. That ignorance doesn't deserve protection because because it shouldn't fucking exist.

But, I wanted to be responsible. I met a lot of people who didn't smile in Russia, but I met a lot of people who did. I met people who were racist towards African-Americans and derogatory towards gays, but there were people who weren't. Moscow is like any other place and we can't let the bad apples give us a skewed picture. Was it at times a sad place? Absolutely. But there were really good fucking people and I wanted to make sure that a clandestine conversation caught on a hot mic didn't disproportionately represent the city.

Yet, we have to show it. We don't enjoy it, we don't indulge in it, and I really don't address it in the summation because it's not a complex issue. It's wrong. There's nothing else to it. There is no way to shashlik that shit besides understanding its wrong. Now, Philochko was a victim of racism on the show and in Russia. People say sideways shit about him all day, but I wanted to also address how he's part of the problem. American racism is a unique brand, ebonics is in many ways a regional dialect, and you can't just transport the African-American experience like it's stoli and tell people to mix it with soda. This shit is MUCH deeper than rap and it's something I know I'll never fully understand because I did not live it. But I know enough to say that you shouldn't enable people to use the n-word and appropriate ebonics for comedic purposes. It's a huge tangled web and people have addressed the n-word in crucibles much hotter than Fresh Off the Boat. We didn't go to Moscow looking to address it, but it found us and we did. Sometimes a story finds you and you do the best you can. Happy thanksgiving mother fuckers.

Me & Scalia Down By the Police Station

I have never, ever, ever in my entire life cheered for Reggie Miller, enjoyed an Incubus song, or agreed with Justice Antonin Scalia. Reading cases as a Cardozo student at the Innocence Project, I frequently thought about sewing Scalia's bunghole closed and then feeding him copies of the Bush v. Gore decision until he pooped recycled paper through his nose. Son is constantly justifying decisions by looking at his stupid WWFFD (What Would Founding Fathers Do) friendship bracelet, but fuck my life sideways in the ear with Monsanto Corn because I finally agree with him today regarding Maryland v. King...

This is a CRIMINAL PROCEDURE case weighing the public benefit of solving cold cases vs. your constitutional 4th amendment rights guarding against search and seizure. We all want cold cases solved, but at what cost to society and your individual rights? This isn't just swabbing your cheek. This decision is saying that without a warrant, without a conviction, and merely probable cause for a felony arrest that the government can take my genetic blueprint and put it in a database. Justice Kennedy kept talking about how a DNA swab is like finger printing, how it can be used to identify the person in question at the station, and without even addressing how ridiculous that notion is considering that it takes months to upload DNA evidence to a database; let's address another one of his "notions" i.e. the practicalities of law enforcement today.

Doggy, I'ma tell you about the PRACTICALITIES OF OUR GOVERNMENT. Over the weekend, someone stole the letter grade off the door of Baohaus. So, Evan went down to the DOH to get another letter grade to post. You know what they told us after waiting for 3 hours? "We looked all over but we can't find the box with the letter grades right now." THESE MOTHER FUCKERS CAN'T PROPERLY LABEL AND STORE LETTER GRADES FOR RESTAURANTS! We're supposed to trust them with our DNA? FUCK OUTTA HERE!!! My DNA is gonna end up on World Star and not because I threw a milkshake on the screen watching TWERK FAILS but because of GOVERNMENT FAIL.

Not To Be Sold

Sup Based Fobs... It's been a minute since I wrote on this blog but we back. I gave this talk in Melbourne at #Carbon13 yesterday. I'm not an expert on the economy. I'm just a dude that reads the NYT, watches Rachel Maddow, Alex Wagner, reads Franco Berardi, and fux with Jon Stewart. This is all shit that's readily available and full of knowledge darts. But watching the news the last year, I started getting the same exact feeling I had in law school all over again. It's useless to complain about our representatives or put my hope into some dudes who are too pussy to resist lobbyists, private interests, and the machine. We don't enact laws that need to be enacted because of private interests and filibusters. Then when we do enact half-assed laws with blunt instruments, those laws aren't equally administered. There are even fools trying to rig the NYC Mayoral election over meatballs in the Bronx.

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We can only trust ourselves because all these representatives are for sale. Yet, that sentiment leaves us with fear. We don't want the responsibility because duty without a way out makes you feel powerless. The tax code in 2011 had 72,000+ pages. HOW DO YOU GRAPPLE WITH THAT? You kind of can't, but I want people to know... Despite the mountain of fucking wizardry these assholes have cast over our political system, we can make a difference. We've seen it with kickstarter, reddit, wikileaks, digital gravel, baohaus, and any other grassroots movement that used their platform to do something about the way our world is headed.

We are the future and we got to get this shit right. I can't sit here and crack jokes about roors and bang bus like shit is sweet. If our country keeps heading the way it is, there may not be a bang bus and I'm just not ready for that life. Am I really just a narcissist, cause I wake up to vids of Ava's tits?

(if hyperlink doesn't work above here it is from FORBES)

(This is link for video from ABC Nightline)