Wednesday, October 26, 2011


Things on Eater usually don't bother me. I've been called a chink and they've taken it down even though I told them they should keep it up. Racism is every where and the only way to deal with it is to see it. I don't mind people who talk shit about me, Baohaus, Asians in general, etc. If we were to keep count, I spit more fire than anyone so it's part of the game. But, humor is only really good when there's truth to it... Tragedy is easy, comedy is hard. So, if yall are going to come correct, let's get a few things right.

It's blatantly unfair for people to expect individuals from a certain race to speak a certain way and any deviation from that speech pattern is an attempt at being something else. Language is 100% learned and conditioned behavior. The way you speak, if it's real, is a collection of your experiences, the people you've met along the way, the people those people met, and the things you've seen and heard. Without YOUR language, what do you have? The reason we don't have a National Language is because there are a few good men/women still out there who understand this is an immigrant country and language is at the root of it. You are fool to think that you are SUPPOSED to speak a certain way. Language is your opportunity to be yourself and represent the things you stand for. If you read military history or strategy, one of the first things conquerors do is convert the natives to their language. It's a disgusting, nasty, imperialist technique but it cuts right to the core and rips your native tongue out. When you tell people to "speak" like they're supposed to, that is what you're trying to do. Luckily, I'm not a basic bitch who succumbs to it.

When I write, I am cognizant of my word choice. Every thing is done with malicious intent, other wise I'd just be throwing darts and you best mother fuckin' believe, I'm shootin' every time I write. If you aren't cognizant of word choice, you're a fool and you should stop writing. I have gone so far as looked up the root and history of words and if I don't like what it comes from, I won't use it. If a certain word is something that has been "claimed" by a reference group I don't subscribe to, I don't use it. I'm fuckin' word certain.

I left the law because I didn't want to work in an industry I couldn't culturally identify with. It had every thing to do with social strata and corporate conditioning. White shoe firms break you down as individuals and make you a robot in their world using the words they've reserved for that industry. There are entire books on "Legal Writing" and how you're supposed to write. I refused to work in a place where there was no room for artistic expression, shit was just cold. Before you know it, you move the way they move and think like a hooker with a corner office. I met a lot of good people and there wasn't anything wrong with individuals, it was the rules of engagement in that business that I couldn't get down with.

The only reason I'm saying this and giving you any sort of insight is because it's blatantly unfair to people in general to suggest that there is a prescribed method of action because of skin. Anyone who made it to 10th grade got a lesson on nature v. nurture. I'm sure a lot of you can understand how tattoos or clothing are the things you show the world to identify yourself, but, nothing you do says more about you than the first time you open your mouth and say a word. From Pygmalion to My Fair Lady to the first time we heard Nas say "Straight out the fuckin' dungeons of rap..." we understood that the first google maps were your mother fucking words. Yiddish, Chingrish, Ebonics, Boricua, whatever it is you speak, sing that shit. The next time you come to me with this rotten banana/twinkie bullshit, put your computer on death and come to 238 e14th St so I can show you where the fuck I'm from.

Now, if you have nothing better to do than make fun of the kid, here are a few good ones

1) I have large aereolas

2) I love the McRib

3) I sing Justin Bieber at karaoke

4) I still want to fuck Lil' Kim

5) I'm a Knick fan

6) I thought Jin was going to go platinum

7) I think Cam'ron is one of the top 5 rappers of all time

8) When I sweat it smells like orange chicken

9) I once bought these boots and thought it was a good idea

10) I'm convinced there's a shawty out there for me who has pussy that tastes like red and green gummy bears... where you at?


  1. love this. love this. love this. Write like a motherfucker, dude. Every time.

  2. Food is an expression of culture just like language except more malleable and less permanent.

  3. You feel it's an ' .. imperialist technique to tell people to speak or write like they're supposed to ... ' but yet you don't find it disturbing when you misappropriate the speech or language patterns of another race or culture in a cartoonish way ?

    So, you grew up in New York and had handful of black friends ..... and thus, I'm supposed to be down with you ?

    If you ever spoke that way around me or my friends we'd fuck you up for showing disrespect.

  4. "Yeah I sampled your voice, you was usin' it wrong." - Hov

  5. wow. very well done with the hov quote.

    i've noticed nobody ever actually wants to step outside but they're real tough with the words.

  6. @Mr. Anonymous

    Always love the internet tough guy that says he'll fuck you up and won't leave his name. He told you where he's at, so if you got a problem with him, hit him up. Sitting here on the internet without a name or face, and saying you're going to do something is just pussy shit, and no one can respect that.

  7. Also, love your blog and your free spirit and i don't give a fuck attitude. Keep telling it how it is Eddie, and never let them haters get you down.

  8. Hey listen, in the food world of bad mouthing I see your need to be recognized and this is how you want to do it: you want Anthony Bourdain without the insulting self-deprecation he seems famous for (yet still cashes the paychecks) on that note I will buy No 9 and No 10 any way you look at it is just not nice and still you have to get hired to become the next Bourdain so I would stay away from the taste you find preferable in pussy's

  9. T.Needham is absolutely right...besides one can always use the idiom of 'a squished knish' and an ode to the girl whose 'squished knish doesn't smell like an opened can of salmon'...:))

  10. So sorry, a real squished knish is a potato knishe that you heat a grill or grill pan - place in the pan and with a plate or heavy pot smack that knishe hard, turn it over to brown or grill the other side so both sides have color and voila a true 'squished knishe' circa 1990-ish Blossom Pool snack bar Montreal.

  11. natalie sztern just came seriously hard

  12. I thought that about Jin, too /hangs head

  13. i copped those boots, and still lace it up as a good decision