Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Pete, I got you Dun

Ayo Pete,

I like how you been comin' with the hammer son. HIT EM HIGH, HIT EM LOW, THEN ASK FOR MORE BREAD AND CHICKPEAS B. You got a little herky-jerky, Latrell Sprewell, stop-n-go, rhythm to your writing, but it's cool. Juelz made it pop for him so do you.

I see people hatin though. I held your boy Sam down back in the day and I got your blue print right here. You like Frank White fresh out the box, you already know. People don't like you shuttin' down the old 4-star hustle, they don't want to cut you in on dime bags in the park. They need to justify their prices and dining rooms. If some ho-hum I-talians in a deli can do work and serve food on the same level that hits the soul and not your Costanza wallet, people are gonna be aggy. You fuckin' with their money.

But do your thing. They can't touch you. They couldn't stop the No Limit Tank or the Cash Money Millionaires, now even Hov talkin' bout Baby Money. You are exactly right giving restaurants stars based on how YOU feel. You're a writer, not a pawn. Food writing SHOULD have personal elements and style. It's an art form and this is show business. The chefs and writers that refuse that truth are actually accepting defeat. Every one can cook now, the secret is out. So all you mother fuckers that have been eatin' off truffles and bottled water can come the fuck down from your pedestals and join the rest of us. We SHOULD be excited about restaurants, we SHOULD be championing the things we like, this is an adversarial system. You pick your squad and I'll pick mine. I'm sick and tired of writers trying to capture the objective, accepted, and majority opinion of other food writers. Yall are herbs anyway. Half you food writers wearin' skechers B. Step the fuck up. Why does anyone care what you guys think? DO YOU PETE.

And the next time someone has some shit to say about your reviews, you tell em to call Hov:

let me guess, they said it was money round here
and the rest is me stoppin you from gettin it, correct?
sorry to hear that, my guess is you got work at the hotel
i'll take care of that , you'll soon see, now please
give me the room key
you're twitchin, don't do that, you makin me nervous
my crew, well, they do pack, them niggas is murderous
so would ya, please put your hand back in sight
they don't like to see me nervous you can understand that, right?
you draw, better be picasso, y'know the best
cause if this is not so, ah, god bless
you leave me no choice, i'll leave you no voice
believe you me son i hate to do it just as bad as you hate to see it done
now calm your boys,
cause i'm findin it a little hard to concentrate with all the noise
get the point, i'll let ya go,
before ya leave,i guess i aughta let you know, i need those keys
and promise you never, no matter the weather
evaevaevaevaevaevaevaevaeva come around here no mo'



  1. In theory I agree with your support of Pete, and the rationale behind Pete's assessment, but that is not the criteria that reviewers have used for the basis of the star system in the past. If this is how Pete is gonna roll, cool, but explain that to the NYT readers.

    S'all I'm sayin'

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